I already know what you’re thinking. “Here’s yet another millennial blaming the previous generation for all of his/her problems.” Well good sir or madame, you are correct, however it’s much, much more complicated than that.
As you may or may not know, every single millennial goes through what I like to call “the crisis.” It’s when all of your preconceived notions of the universe and your existence go up against reality and boy is it ugly. It generally results in the “what now?” after university. The “I need to go to Europe and bang a few hot guys or girls syndrome.” Or the infamous “I need to find myself.”
I say this of course, because we are lost. Somehow, someway we lost ourselves to this world where we are relentlessly corralled down the “right path.” You need a good education to get a good job, to save up one day and get a great house, find yourself a spouse, settle down, have some children, plan for retirement while you’re at it and boy don’t forget life insurance.
Fast forward to when you get your first real job, you know, the one you got with your professional email address where you suited up and really cared. For a moment you are pretty content, you finally have enough money to pay your education loan (which is huge by the way) but then, something ominous happens. You realise something is missing–you hate this job, and even worse you hate your boss because despite what they say this isn’t what you really wanted to do and you never figured out what that was. But you’re here now, in this place of vulnerability and you might even feel stuck, one foot in — to pay and afford life in general — and the other — holding on to your dreams and the things they told you to stay away from. So yeah maybe the term “messed up.” Is a bit too strong, but how else would you describe our generation? We are a bunch of tragic souls trying to find our way, twerking, grinding and flexing for jesus in the gym as we capture our selfies. Somewhere along the line it all went wrong, so I am going to do my best to explain how it happened, and how things can get better.
The old paradigm
Our parents hail from a time where if you put in the effort you could get a great job and make enough money to “live the dream.” A dream that was sold to them well. A dream sold so well that clearly a used car salesman (or Morgan freeman) was pitching this stuff because everyone was eating it up…and then of course, they tried to live it. So they worked hard, quite possibly at a job they hated and slowly but surely the things they were passionate about faded to black. But at least they had financial security right? As time went on they had children and locked themselves in for the grand 18 year investment that was supposed to yield high interest. (But let’s be honest, we didn’t.)
They were smart, they knew that if they could achieve such heights without education, that with this trajectory their children could rule the world. Universities followed suit and racked up prices, bachelor degrees started selling like gold. So much so, that even mediocre jobs began using bachelor degrees as a measuring stick. Soon enough University was passing these things out like they were hot cakes. “You get a degree, you get a degree, and you…you over there in the baseball cap, you get a degree.” These days the tart parchment will cost you upwards of 100,000 – all for a piece of paper that guarantees absolutely nothing, not a job, a career, least of all happiness. Yet we willingly spend our lives away for it and parents allow their children to go into debt for it, all so that they can say they did it, because lord knows it means nothing.
Nonetheless, your parents put you into a competitive high school, in hopes of getting you into a great university, because that way you could get an even better job than them and ultimately be financially stable, because–they love you of course.
Here’s where the problem merely begins, money. It’s always about money, and unfortunately with the society we live in, we actually need the damn stuff to survive. It is literally and figuratively the root of all evil. Every move we make in life then becomes a derivative of chasing money (which is wrong), so we chase the best schools, get the best jobs, so we can make the most money and then be miserable for the rest of our lives while we make a butt-load of money. Sounds fantastic right?
The Crisis
I know, it sounds like a plot of a dystopian sci-fi movie, maybe I’ll write that later, but right now let’s stick to the topic at hand. Everyone that I have ever known has gone through this, it normally occurs in your last year of university and has forced many a student to take the heralded “victory lap.” It’s the “what now, what happens next?” University is an interesting time, generally you are at your most philosophical, willing to try anything self, and with all the deep meaningful conversations you will have at some point the question comes up “what is your plan?” Some people have a plan, most just have a vague outline, the one set out for them in the first place. And once you realise you have no idea what you want, no idea where all of this is leading, you freak out. As I said before this normally occurs in the last year of university, sometimes the next year, but that doesn’t mean it can’t happen later.
This is a rough time, you will question your entire journey up until this very moment. Break yourself down but I like to think that when you arise, you evolve into a beautiful butterfly unburdened and disillusioned from the path. Now you can see through all the muck and turbid waters and all of the nonsense that society has planned for you and you promptly plan on a mass exodus of planet earth.
You’re the best around…..
As I mentioned before, your parents witnessed opportunity, they assumed (quite wrongly) that you would not only supersede them, that you would basically become a god on earth, so from young, they instilled this belief that everything will come, (and I am heavily paraphrasing here) pretty easy, go to school get straight A’s rinse repeat and success is yours. But in reality, life is so much more of a grind than that. But when you absorb these absurd thoughts of absolution it only sets you up for disappointment later on in life when adversity undoubtedly hits you. Because remember, you are not the only one who has been taught that you are “special,” so now everyone thinks they are better than everyone else, but the truth is somewhere in the middle, a lot of people are average and then there is me. Very straightforward. But ignorance is bliss right? Because as time goes on and you experience the world, you will meet truly remarkable people, those who are just plain better than you are. You see that extremely good-looking football player that is sculpted like Thor in the gym? Well he is actually hovering at a 4.0 GPA and is studying to be a clinical therapist in a few years. I know, it sucks but thems the breaks. It doesn’t mean that you can’t achieve what you want in life, but it does mean that you might have to work harder than previously thought. Take it from me as a black, short, T-rex of a man who needs his wife to reach the top shelf. #stepladderlife
Turns out, it’s actually not that easy to get a job
If, you’re like me, educated, self-proclaimed genius, philosopher and purveyor of the almighty bat cave, you know that the search for the often allusive job, is exceptionally difficult. You have sent countless resumes, researched job titles that match your qualifications to a tee, in fact you have done this for so long, you have begun to doubt how intelligent you are and how good-looking. (Oh that’s just me?) For each resume sent down the ether costs you a fragment of your soul because it plants that seed of negativity, leading you to think. “Am I not good enough?” Now, finding a job is important, sure, but it is not the be all end all of our existence, in fact “having a difficult time finding a job, could be a blessing” another time another blog. But right now it’s just getting in the way of paying your bills. That’s right, bills that have amalgamated from the unseemly important education that you just had to pursue, because again, your parents love you.
So what do you do? Some people strip, others become prostitutes, unfortunately I am neither beautiful or a woman, so my only option was living with my parents. Ding, Ding, Ding. Winner winner chicken dinner. I’m sure that was your option too right?
Don’t fret, eventually that job will find you, and then you too can hate working for another mindless corporation who treats you like a number.
So you have a job, but you actually hate it
After sitting in your parent’s basement apartment for roughly six months to a year (don’t worry I get all my numbers from the internet, because…science) you score a totally great job, it pays well, it has a hot receptionist and you don’t hate it….yet. Congratulations!
Fast-forward a year, maybe two, maybe three and you have begun to realise you have made a grave mistake, you hate your job, you hate your coworkers, but you can’t leave because it’s hard to find a job and you have to pay your loans (that are still huge by the way) so guess what buttercup? You’re stuck.
But there’s this nagging voice in your head telling you its ok, that its normal to struggle, that in fact that is just how humanity has done it for years and that anything else other than the mindless struggle is against the curb, and this is the biggest misnomer in the history of the world. We do not have to struggle, we can do what we want and pursue our passions, but the world drags us down and forces us into a box where we have to play by their rules. Find a way to play by yours!
In case you can’t add

Absolute genius
So if you’re keeping count, by now you have gone to an obscenely expensive university for a meaningless piece of paper and the “experience”, you’re up to your eyeballs in debt and you need a job in order to pay the loan back, but you hate your job because your degree inevitably pushed you into a field of work you realize wasn’t the bees knees, however you need that job to maintain your lifestyle. (But you’re a confident strong woman), and now you have found the love of your life, you want children who knows maybe you want a house, remember it is all a part of the dream. But because of your debt you can’t afford a house, in fact taking care of another life, seems light-years away, so what do you do? What every other millennial does in your position, you stress out, complain to people, and best of all, post questionable pictures on Facebook, you know, the usual.
Right now, you are on the wrong side of 20 (right that’s just me) and you have no idea what you are doing, because you never really had the chance, you were always following the path laid out for you and never discovered your own. So to all those out there who are stressed and feel anxious all the time, I have the cure (another blog another time) Find out what you are truly passionate about and chase that endlessly.
Following the path like Neo
Everything in our lives is carefully planned. We are taught from a young age what types of goals are paramount in society and who we should aspire to be. In this way we have immeasurable stress that is put upon us because the world is preparing us for death. Yep, you heard me correctly, we start off in preschool, to prepare for primary (or elementary school), which readies you for high school or boarding school, which then prepares you for University. University enables you (as long as you have a stout GPA) to gain an internship which prepares you for a future job. That job pays your bills, and allows you to live and hopefully save. Save for a house, for your family, and ultimately for retirement. As long as you have maintained your insurance payments your family will then be granted with a boon of hundreds of thousands of dollars. Congratulations, now you are dead and they played you.
When did you have a chance to live? When did you have a moment to follow your passions? We are always so busy planning for the future, but what if there wasn’t a future to plan for? You would have to live in the moment.
I know, I know the future is stressful, but guess who gets to worry about the future, future you. Right now you get to enjoy your life and do the things you really love so that when you do get hit by a truck at least you know that you lived happily.
Kill your darlings
Sure our parents messed up, but they did it because they loved us, they simply followed the status quo and we can’t really blame them for that. We can blame society however forcing the narrative through subliminal messaging and however these things tend to happen. I cannot tell you how University went from a few thousand dollars to hundreds of thousands, the average pay hasn’t increased nearly as much. Houses are evaluated higher than ever and we have started adulthood with the most debt of all time.
Now that things have become very clear to us, we have a chance to effect the next generation, to foster their growth, not to guide them in the direction we think is best. Support their passions, no matter how strange or creepy it is, unless it’s killing animals, in which case, you might have to take them to a therapist…to uh….nip that in the bud.
Story time:
Right now I battle with myself every single day because I know what I want to do in my life, but I struggle to do it. (Namely being a successful writer) My parents sent me to university to get a business degree and make money (hopefully) as an accountant. But I knew from a young age that I loved writing, I could have gotten a literary degree and at the very least been a journalist. I would have gladly taken that over the countless banking jobs I have done.
I tell you all this because I know what I want and day by day, word by word I will take it. So I hope you do as well, don’t let this world kill your dreams and don’t allow it to shatter your children’s either. Love you mom and Dad.
Leroy – good to see you writing. You had me at flexing for Jesus
I remember you always being super creative in school and writing short stories (yes I’m talking Port Royal days…) and you were always so INTO your stories it was awesome to watch!
I’m with you on all of this by the way. Slowly shifting out of the comfortable, scenic pathway my mumma bear paved for me is so far proving the most challenging yet exciting experience of my life.
Hey!! Thanks for coming to my page! Yeah I think most of our generation has gone through this, I have so many friends that have, or are currently going through this now. It’s tough but at the same time it’s exciting to know the possibilities that are out there. I’m guessing you have a page on here too, I’ll go ahead and follow you, I wasn’t sure if any one I knew was actually on here lol.
I wanted to continue reading right from the start. You took the words out of my mouth and worded it PERFECTLY!! I love blog posts like this… they’re REAL.. just like the struggle is real! This is our generation down to a tee. Definitely following and looking forward to more posts,.
Hey Shannon!
I love your comment. This is why I wrote this post and why I started this blog. I want to connect with other people, because we are all in this together! Thanks for taking the time in reading and commenting, you made my day. Very happy you liked it, I’ll be sure to check out your blog too as you seem like a wonderful person.
Great post. We are just in a completely different age from our parents. When our parents were our age, it was easy to get a job and buy a house, etc. But now, everything is extremely expensive and competitive. We drown in student loans, even with scholarships and grants, regardless of how spotless our GPA is. In order to get a good job, a lot of the time you need to know someone in the company to give you a good word, and then more qualified people often lose out. It’s a very hard time to live. That’s why I’ve always told myself that I’d rather be in a job that I loved not making a lot of money than be in a job I hate where I make a good amount of money. Life experience and happiness will always be more important to me.
Thanks so much for your comment! I totally agree.
I love this. The climate of our world is completely different and I think a lot of people forget about that
Great points. I think it’s easy for our parents to complain and comment on how when they were our age they did this and this, but are easy to forget that times back then were much simpler. No stress of a fluctuating job market or the pressure social media and technology has on our lives. At the end of the day if they really had to switch places with us millennials they wouldn’t as they couldn’t cope with the constantly changing environment and confusion we face. Absolutely loved this article and love how it brought out my inner marketing undergrad nature exploring millennials. Great job.
Thanks man! I appreciate the kind words.
If it’s any consolation, I just read a business article yesterday about the jobs most likely to be taken over by automation or robots and guess what? Accountants and bookkeepers were on the top five, as well as journalists (non-fiction writers). However, no need to despair, there’s still time yet to regroup and retrain for whatever you desire. Just pick high level skills that are not easy to automate. Thanks for visiting and liking The Writer and the Swimmer.
I loved this! You are a great writer and it pulled me right in. I’m actually a Baby Boomer and in your parents’ age range, but I never married (been engaged twice but I’m old fashioned enough to believe that love still counts for something, and I haven’t ever been in love yet).
I so relate to your story even though we are from different generations. My older brother’s “kids” are in their 40’s (Gen Xers) and my younger brother’s “boys” are in their 30’s (Millennials).
Anyway, times have changed for your generation but believe me when I say we’ve all been sold a bill of goods when it comes to chasing “the American Dream.” Sure, a bunch of Baby Boomers have arrived with a fat retirement accounts (I don’t happen to be one of them… 😁) but it’s all as you said.
I don’t want to make this longer then it is, so suffice it to say what you wrote is so valid for many in the older generations, too.
BTW, you have a real talent for writing. Keep at it no matter what! 😁
Thank you so much! I have books written but I haven’t started the process of reaching out yet. I really need to do that. I also appreciate your response, I think a lot of people have gone through this and it’s great to know that we are not alone. Everyone has those struggles but we find ourselves at some point. Hopefully sooner rather than later.
Much as I hate to admit it, my generation might have sold the next generation a false bill of goods. Part of it was our belief that the 90s and 21st Century was going to be as awesome as the 60s, 70sand 80s. We told you that if you worked hard at your job and was loyal to your boss, you had job security. The Great Recession and the Age Of Austerity that followed proved that we were wrong.We tried to make the world a better place but in fact it’s more dangerous now then the Cold War. We advanced forward technologically but lurched backward socially.
I can’t fault the current generation from breaking ranks to try something new.
Man, I really appreciate this comment. Honestly I would have done the same thing in my parents position so I don’t blame them, it’s up to every person to find their way all of these things are just a part of our journey. Thanks for commenting:)
Hi, Leo—
Since I don’t read newspapers, listen to the radio, nor have I watched TV in my adult life, I truthfully didn’t know what a ‘millennial’ was. Oh, I’ve heard the term, and understood the technical qualification, but your post, How Our Parents Messed Us Up, fleshed out the picture pretty well. Thank you.
And thank you for ‘liking’ the post of a 70 year old. Having read your post, I also wonder what it was you found to like in mine.
What I said in the first line here is true—I really didn’t know. But I sense your description is pretty accurate, so, since I’ve got a half century on you, I thought I’d share some observations.
The first, is that nothing has changed. Oh, your conditions may appear and feel unique, but in terms of the human experience, they’re really no different than any other generation’s. And it’s by design that humans always have and always will experience the same drudgery, delusion, pain, fear, heartache, disappointment, emptiness, and desperation. Truly divine design—but not originating from what the world generally accepts as ‘divine’. Something far beyond the crusty and fragile religions of the world.
Life on the physical plane is reserved for those souls whose consciousness has fallen out of the higher spheres. And that fall encompasses an almost endless devolution from grace, spanning an unimaginable number of lifetimes, as well as an equally glacial evolution back to the point of readiness to even develop a qualifying desire to regain a way back out—actually in and up—to levels of consciousness transcending the dual worlds where everything you describe in your post is inherently present.
But your generation is unique in ways you may not have yet perceived. Thanks—or not—to the speed of the technological experience, your generation is graced/cursed with an unusual speed of experience. I’m reluctant to use the word maturation, since it might inflate egos which would be better served crushed, but millennials have seen a lot in their short lives, and what they’ve seen is bringing them to asking some big questions, sooner than most. The quality of their questions will determine if this is a good thing.
Seekers—and from my newly acquired perspective, millennials, if anyone, are seekers—come in endless shapes and forms, but they’re all desperately looking for information they haven’t yet found, to explain, ‘what’s the point?’. And if they’re desperate enough, the answers are looking for them. By divine law, the answers looking for them will be precisely tailored to the level of their next step in consciousness.
Open sincerity and a desire to know is a gift almost equal to the answers sought.
Some appreciations: I like that you’re not afraid to write a post—or a sentence—that’s longer than many of your contemporaries’ attention span. And I appreciate your ability to concisely paint a clear picture that other’s can relate to.
Leo—
Yesterday, my attention was diverted as I was responding to your post, and I made the mistake of sending what was written at that point.
My apologies. Here’s a clarified version:
Hi, Leo—
Since I don’t read newspapers, listen to the radio, nor have I watched TV in my adult life, I truthfully didn’t know what a ‘millennial’ was. Oh, I’ve heard the term, and understood the technical qualification, but your post, How Our Parents Messed Us Up, fleshed out the picture pretty well. Thank you.
And thank you for ‘liking’ the post of a 70 year old. Having read your post, I also wonder what it was you found to like in mine. That’s simultaneously true and yet not.
What I said in the first line here is true—I really didn’t know. But I sense your description is pretty accurate, so, since I’ve got a half century on you, I thought I’d share some observations.
The first, is that nothing has changed. Oh, your conditions may appear and feel unique, but in terms of the human dilemma, they’re really no different than any other generation’s experience. And it’s by design that humans always have and always will experience the same drudgery, delusion, pain, fear, heartache, disappointment, emptiness, and desperation—a truly divine design—but originating not from what the world generally accepts as ‘divine’. Something from far beyond the crusty and fragile religions of the world.
The almost universal notion that life is supposed to be a giant, gratifying party during which all our worldly desires are fulfilled is spiritually laughable.
Life on the physical plane is reserved for those souls whose consciousness has fallen out of the higher spheres. And that fall encompasses an almost endless devolution from grace, spanning an unimaginable number of lifetimes, as well as an equally glacial evolution back to the point of readiness to even develop a qualifying desire to regain a way back out—actually in and up—to levels of consciousness transcending the dual worlds, in which everything you describe in your post is inherently present.
But your generation is unique in ways you may not have yet perceived. Thanks—or not—to the speed of the technological experience, your generation is graced/cursed with an unusually accelerated exhaustion of karma. I’m reluctant to use the word maturation, since it might inflate egos which would be better served crushed, but millennials have seen a lot in their short lives, and what they’ve seen is pushing them to ask some big questions, sooner than most. The quality of their questions will determine if this is a good thing.
Seekers—and from my newly acquired perspective, millennials, if anyone, are seekers—come in endless shapes, colors, and ages, but they’re all desperately looking for understanding, love, and truth they haven’t yet found, that might explain, ‘what’s the point?’. And if they’re desperate enough, the answers are simultaneously looking for them. By divine law, the answers looking for them will be precisely tailored to the level of their next step in consciousness.
In short, seekers are those who are nearing the evolutionary lifetime where meeting the current living Master will be highly desirable—necessary, in fact—for finally encountering a level of truth soul has yearned for, for eons. Open sincerity and a desire to know is a gift almost equal to the answers sought, and will lead, in perfect time, to that momentous meeting.
‘How our parents messed us up’ is nothing new, Leo. Ever hear the expression, ‘the sins of the parents will be visited upon their children’? It’s a couple thousand years old, and the recognition of that truth was already ancient then. It’s all part of the setup, leading us inexorably homeward, at a painfully slow pace. But when that precious lifetime arrives when we’ve finally earned the privilege of encountering a living Godman who carries the divine Sound Current in His back pocket, the journey speeds up to a breathtaking speed that makes life as a millennial look like it’s standing still—which it may as well be.
So, take hope, Leo. Keep writing. Keep seeking. And one perfect day, you’ll be shown just how perfect it’s all been all along. You’re on your way.
Some appreciations: I like that you’re not afraid to write a post—or a sentence—that’s longer than many of your contemporaries’ attention span. And I appreciate your ability to concisely paint a clear picture others can easily resonate with. I know that’s a ‘hanging participle’, and I don’t care.
I have a confession. I read both of your posts, the edited and unedited versions and loved them equally. They were so profound and thought-provoking that I honestly didn’t know how to reply because I did not want to appear foolish to someone so much wiser than myself. After a few reads I grasped the gravity of your words. They illuminated me to the fact that the “crisis” I speak of, is those questions that we must ask ourselves. Prior to this those questions came a bit later in life but now it seems that we have them much earlier due to societal changes and pressures. In a strange way, I view this as a blessing because having to address these questions earlier in life will ultimately (I hope) lead to a life of fulfillment. Again I appreciated your wonderfully crafted words and thoughtful sentiments. I hope you have a great day.
I am 65. I say that so you will know that I really know what I’m talking about. You’re not the first, or the second, or the 50th generation to feel as you do. It happens to all of us. Find your passion, go for it, and don’t look back. Save 20% of each paycheck – even if it means doing without. You will need that money when you dump the crap and follow your passion. I went to college when I was 25 – because my parents thought education made a person stupid (they had no education, so they were experts in this regard). I started law school on my 38th birthday. I took the long way around, but I ended up being who I am at my core – a criminal defense attorney. Many years ago, the vice principal wanted to search my purse because he thought I had drugs. I didn’t, but he was sure I did. I looked him in the eye and without thinking asked, “You got a warrant?” Fifteen year old kid, and I sounded like William Kunstler.
This read was excellent. Yes, we all go through the “what’s my purpose” stage somewhere in life. My was (is) a bit older; because as you well know, you are doing what you were programmed to do. But for me the BIG questions were what took you (me) out of that phase? and Why? There’s something needed to fulfill the next stage in life, even if you don’t know what it is yet. The journey surely is fun for me. And the freedom is awesome! I feel like I’m exuding an easy to detect aura.
It seems that lot’s of us older folks (76) have replied to your blog. Larry was amazing. Each generation has its cross to bear. Life is never easy…..life is never perfect. You are seeking answers and that is good. One of my favorite writers wrote: Toward all that is unsolved in your heart be patient. Try to love the questions. Do not seek the answers which cannot be given; you would not be able to live them. Live everything. Love the questions now; you will then gradually without noticing it live into the answers some distant day. Ranier Maria Rilke
I too love that quote from Ranier Maria Rilke!
I’m a little late to the party, but boy do I relate to this. Your words really resonated with me and you have just articulated my exact phase in life right now. Similar to most people our age I went through the usual cookie cutter pathway: School –> University –> Corporate job and have been left feeling like what was the point of it all because I just feel so unfulfilled. Your post has really lifted me and inspired me to continue listening to that voice inside that is telling me that there is so much more out there and I am really excited to find out just what that means for me.
Anyway, thank you, and I am really excited to read the rest of your posts! 🙂
Keep listening to that voice inside. Find your passion and chase it ruthlessly. You can never be too late to your own party :), this post is for all of us. I know we can figure this out and we will find happiness. Trust me. 🙂
”Follow your dreams”
THE ONE THING WE ARE HERE TO DO AND THE ONE WE, MOSTLY, AREN’T ALLOWED TO. I can’t tell you HOW MANY TIMES I was told the same thing, when I was young. I was made to believe that I CAN HAVE ANYTHING THAT I WANT. And that s NOT EVEN THE WORST. The worst part is that I was MADE TO FOLLOW MY DREAMS. Yes. THAT’S RIGHT.I grew up dreaming dreams in which I had full faith in. NO ONE COULD PERSUADE ME THAT I COULDN’T ACHIEVE THEM. WHY? Because..well… FAITH! BUT…what really started to mess me up is when the same people who had asked me follow my dreams tried to FILTER them. When my dreams turn out to be something ABSOLUTELY OPPOSITE of what THEY MUST HAVE HAD IN MIND WHEN THEY ENCOURAGED ME TO BE BRAVE ENOUGH TO DREAM, I was robbed f those very desires. THOSE PASSIONS. Such is the nature of humanity that we can’t help but engage in hypocrisy. So, I don’t blame them for being defensive of THEIR BELIEF SYSTEM to the degree that made it seem OKAY FOR THEM TO TAKE AWAY A YOUNG GIRL’S WISHES AND PASSIONS and try to mold them into something that SUPPORTS THEIR SET THOUGH-PATTERNS,
Now, due to all of that MESS, my care-free self transformed itself into a paranoid, REALISTIC SUFFERER. And suffer, I did. EVERY DAY. But that wasn’t of much import since THAT suffering was more mental than it was physical. THAT’S THE STING. THEY WON’T NOTICE UNTIL YOU SHOW THEM THE SCARS but WHAT TO DO WHEN THE BRUISES ARE psychological?
THAT’S THE QUESTION I WANTED TO SHOUT TILL MY TONGUE STIFFENS but AGAIN, I wasn’t allowed to. But this time, I was held back MORE BY MYSELF than by anyone else. See, how it all played out? Now that I am all grown-up, I AM THE VICTIM AND THE GUILTY. That’s how everyone of these little sh*ts play tricks on our minds.
But I HAVE LEARNT MY LESSON NOW – which your post soo beautifully echoed – NO USE BEING LED BY THE BLIND AND PRETEND THAT YOU CAN’T SEE EITHER. That’s a tragedy of the ACUTEST kind and I FINALLY REFUSE TO PLAY AN ACTOR IN IT.
That is so true, following your dreams these days is tough especially when the world fights back. You are strong enough however to overcome it all. 🙂 thanks for your amazing comment.
Oh no need to thank ME!! HAHA!! xDDD Thank YOUUU for making me THINK!! GODD!!! I don’t know but the words just…you write…WOWWW”” And tell you what, I WILL BE THE FIRST ONE TO BUY YOUR BOOK once you publish it. 🙂 😉
That may be the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me 🙂 (blush)
What an amazing thread to read! Particularly from the different generations. It’s taken me many decades of angst to get to a place of peace that my mother did the best she could and loved in her own way. Researching my family history gave me a bigger perspective. Keep writing Leo! 🙂
Thank you so much for your beautiful words. Yeah this post did exactly as I had hoped, to generate genuine conversation. It’s beautiful to see how a lot of people go through the same struggle and through time and resolve find their own truth. Thanks again for reading.
My daughter, who just turned 20, is not in college because she has no idea what she wants to pursue. She doesn’t want to just pick something and end up with huge loans and the possibility of being railroaded into a career that she hates. I tell her that this is fine, that few people know what they want to do with their life when they’re 18/19/20 and many of the ones who do know end up growing into something different after all. I get a lot of stink eye from other parents who want me to encourage her to at least take “the basics” or just choose SOMETHING because they believe that this is so irresponsible and you just have to choose and get it over with. It’s hard to go against the flow, both as the young adult and as the parent of the young adult. And of course, I wake up at 3 am worrying about it, because that’s what parents do. :/
So thanks for this lovely post. I will attempt to remember your words during my 3 am worrying sessions.
You sound like a wonderfully wise parent! 🙂 I’m sure it’s tough because you want the best for your children but it’s so tough to let go and let them be who they are meant to be. I’m sure I will struggle as well. Thanks for your kind words and taking the time to read my blog 🙂
Here’s a perspective from a boomer: This optimism that we had for you kids was based on the pessimism of our parents and grandparents. Back in the day, you found something you wanted to do, you got interned or apprenticed to someone that was accomplished in that field, and when graduated to journeyman, you went about looking for a market. Then you hung out your shingle and waited for customers. Then things went sideways and independent entrepreneurs couldn’t exist so you had to work for someone else…the industrial revolution came into play. They had people working robotic jobs. The only way to rise above the robot position was through education to get to be the manager of the robots. Then they brought in actual robots and immigrants that would do the jobs for a lower fee. Where do you go from there? How can you manage robots if they’re ACTUALLY robots and never show up late or get pregnant or sick or want vacations or better working conditions? We’re back to that status. Our parents, (your grand and great grand parents) didn’t see this coming. They insisted that you get a job for the rest of your life and move up the ladder. They knew you’d hate it and that was all there was to it. Dreams were not for people that wanted to survive things like The Great Depression. Then the 60’s happened.
“I want to get a job that means something, that I’ll enjoy, that I’ll find fulfillment. I want to expand my mind. Thank you for this nice powder that gets me to think outside my head.(dude!)” Watch Forrest Gump to get some idea of what this was like. Suddenly we had a purpose…”Give Peace a Chance!” Reality set in and now we had to make money…evil evil money. We formed communes where money wasn’t necessary for intra-communal exchanges. I’ll trade you my bean crop for your pot crop. I’ll trade you my expertise in electronics if you can unplug my sink. I’ll teach your kids math if you teach my kids reading.
Didn’t make a whole lot of money. So my generation chased its dreams and fell flat on our faces. We faced our failures with gloom and doom and surrender to the “man” and so we went back to what our parents had told us, and we told you guys what we’d been told. But of course, we were going to do it better than our parents. We were going to orchestrate EVERY SINGLE LEVEL of your life. Then you would be successful like we weren’t at your age, and you wouldn’t have to face your misplaced dreams and aspirations. We’d get you squared away, and if we didn’t, we had failed once again in our dreams for a better country and a better life. Well duh.
Yes, get educated, but get educated in building your own business with your own interests and skills. There is no silver bullet to your upbringing, your aspirations, your dreams…it takes effort and commitment. But spend that effort in becoming the best person you can be and commit to what you want to do with your life.
That sounds 1000% percent accurate. You are right we need to make our dreams come true and work hard to make sure they become a reality. Thanks for the comment 🙂
Great post, very mature and very thorough. I would have so much to comment but I am afraid my comment would be as long as your post. You have inspired me to write something on this topic, will try to do so soon. If you get a chance visit me again soon. Loved reading it !
Trust me I understand. If you read some of the other comments they are pretty long! I don’t mind, this post was meant to create conversation. I love it. Thanks for reading I will definitely check out your page more 🙂
That university track was well meant but wrong. If everyone has a degree they are worth less – maybe worthless. Giving kids huge expectations is an error. I was one of 7 in a working-class household in the sixties. Dad didn’t ‘bond’. He might whack you now and then. He certainly didn’t give us the impression we were little precious princelings. ‘The world doesn’t owe you a living’ was his catchphrase. I can’t put myself on Millenial skin and walk around in it (as Atticus Finch advised) but I can see that the world you’re coming into is complicated, changing and difficult. I’m afraid the Snowflake Generation will have to toughen up.
I’m a poor baby boomer too. No fat pension. Worked as a labourer, storeman, call centre lackey and so forth. But I never expected work to be fun. It was what you did to get the essential money.
Keep trying Leo. You write well so that might be an option.
Thank you for commenting 🙂 I really appreciate it!
Hi Leo/Leroy, what a nice response this has generated. You liked one of my recent (and few) posts on a related topic – reflecting and course shifting in the space bridging work and life – thank you! Interesting commentary on the past 3 generations, which I’ve thought about a lot as well. We’re all just trying to do the best we can, aren’t we…. As others say: keep writing!
Great post! I look forward to reading more…
And thanks for stopping by my blog!
(Midnight Marauder)
As a gen X-er I’m not sure I fall quite into the generation your parents are, but as a parent and a person who has parents, I can completely relate in the sense that all of our parents messed up in one sense or another and unfortunately, I’m sure that someday my kids will probably say the same about me! But if I’ve got nothing else through to them, I hope it will be the understanding that parents will never get it completely right because they are human beings, so as I’ve said to them DON’T listen to anyone else when your gut tells you otherwise and that includes me! Perhaps parents are intended by divine nature to screw up enabling us to find a “safe place” to feel our strength in understanding that it doesn’t matter if they understand us or not- we’re going to BE who we are. And if they don’t get what our dreams are, so what? We’re going to plunge ahead and go for it. I’ve come to believe that perhaps parents are the 1st wall toward the real YOU that we need to break through. Break through- understanding that they don’t know everything and you are not an extension of them, but instead a person who is on their own path. All any parent really wants is their child’s happiness. The less evolved ones just don’t understand that they are not in control of it. But as far as being special? Your parents were right about that- you ARE.
Beautiful words that have helped me understand my son much better. Thank you for that 🙂 Like many who wrote comments I too am a baby boomer and the one thing I’d like to add is that going to college, in our minds wasn’t as important for our kids to get ahead in the world as it was to experience a sort of transitional learning opportunity to expand their minds and experiences beyond the small world they’d grown up in. If that led to a career they loved that was a huge bonus. But it’s an experience we were lucky to have and wanted it for our kids too. It was about learning intangibles that you don’t really have an opportunity to get otherwise. What threw things off kilter though was there was this level of competitiveness that we’d never experienced. I think because of the sheer numbers of kids who were competing for a finite number of spots. More scary was how young the competition seemed to start. It put a kind of pressure on our kids that we’d never had and frankly didn’t know how to help them cope with very well. We didn’t drive them to achieve…it was them. From my perspective most millennial’s seemed to have an inner drive and ambition that was self directed. We we’re kind of in awe of it really because we didn’t have that same experience. Our role as parents was more just to assist them in getting to where they wanted to be. But then after years of driving themselves, sometimes relentlessly, as college wound down and their real lives began they too experienced much of what you describe here. A sort of mid life crisis…but before age 25. It still puzzles me a lot and I see one son struggling to find his place in the world still. I somewhat disagree about the ability to find occupations that make you happy and that you find fulfilling though. While that may not happen instantly, it will happen if that’s what you want. It’s really not that hard if you can manage your expectations and maintain the same sense of awe about learning that you had when you were younger. At least that’s what I’ve seen and experienced both personally and in others around me from all different generations.
Great post and good point!
Indeed times have changed since our parents grew up, well…even since l was supposed to have grown up… classic, previously secure jobs becoming more and more obsolete due to changing times and if not, they move to ‘cheaper’ countries.
However, despite that, I found the courage to take on two casual seasonal jobs that I absolutely love, even though I could have found work again in my old field of expertise and worked full time till retirement!
For my own health and sanity I am so glad I did not go down that path, that I am certain my parents would have approved and would have given me a lot more financial security, but my love of life and sanity came first! I do have time now to follow my heart and work on my passions.
My mission in life now? “Do more of what makes you happy” Yeeha!
And you know what I discovered? Even with without financial security, I manage OK, cos when I am in ‘go with the flow, happy unworried mode’, things have a habit of falling into place conveniently at the right time 😉
Such a great comment. I love what you said about unworried mode. You might want to copyright that, it’s downright brilliant. And I completely agree, I’m striving to walk down that path right now by realizing what my real goals are and understanding that this job isn’t he be all end all of my life.
☺ ty!
People love to define themselves and their status in life by their jobs, their spouses, how many kids they have, and what their kids are doing. They like to say things like this to each other: “Yeah, I’m with(insert company name here)now, senior marketing consumer analyst facilitator.”
And the person they’re conversing with hasn’t the slightest idea what it is that they’re hearing about, but it sounds important and socially acceptable so they go “Oh, awesome!” Then they talk about their own title and the career attached to it. And that’s what these people think life is about. Looking good for other people. Being acceptable. Sounds nightmarish to me, but to each his own.