Why no one is reading your blog – Part 1

I know, I know. You put your hope, sweat, blood and tears into your most recent post. It might have been the greatest thing since sliced bread, but here you sit with a measly two likes. Two!!! What happened? Was it just not that good? Maybe you suck, or even worse, there’s a disparity between what you think is good and what is. (That’s the same thing) Either way, no one is reading, and you don’t know why. So, little dove, let me help you.

    Janie - Not another teen movie
You need to engage with other bloggers (Aka you are invisible)  

Right now, you are that girl sitting in the back of class with the glasses. You know, the one who stars in all those movies who, inevitably undergoes a transformation and becomes shockingly beautiful by the end of it, although it was obvious that she was gorgeous from the get go. Yeah, that one.

No matter how pretty she is, the popular guy that she’s in love with (aka bloggers) will never ask her to the dance because he’s never even seen her, and right now she might as well be invisible. Before my analogy falls apart here, you (aka your blog) is the girl and the popular guy is your millions of future fans. (Starring Ryan Gosling of course)

Moral of this story, you need to show yourself to the world. Live a little. Show some cleavage and be proud of what you got.

Warning: This does not mean walk down to the strip club and show off what your mama gave you.  

                                                                                                                                                   
What this does mean, is talk to other people and show off who you are, because although you are awkward and a closeted racist, you are still amazing too!

All analogies aside, you need to engage.

Put yourself out there. Join blogging groups, read other blogs, while you’re at it, comment, like and interact. Newsflash, when you like or comment on someone else’s blog, you magically pop into their little bubble of existence and they might have a real chance at reading your blog. Wishing and hoping gets you nowhere, but engaging does. So, do that.

You might have just written the greatest post in the history of blogging, but if no one reads it, it doesn’t matter, so make sure they see you, make sure people read it, only then will you be revered as the lord of the blogs–or, my apprentice.

rick_and_morty_s02_still

Families that get rid of aliens together stays together.

Promote your blog like a proud parent  

Don’t be afraid to post it anywhere and everywhere. This is your baby, be proud of it. Embrace your inner annoying marketing personality, its in there, trust me. It probably sounds something like this. “Hey, hey, get your new blog over here, you want a blog? You want it? Well you got it! You get a blog, and you, and you and you with the Rick and Morty shirt, you too!” Yes, blogging is like hot dogs. Give them to people. (Also, Rick and Morty is amazing.)

Shout it at the top of your lungs. Tell your friends at work, badger your family, preach it to your church, hell, tell the homeless man down the street. Your blog is awesome and the world deserves to know it.

I’ve lost all my inhibitions at this point. No man, woman or child is safe from my unmitigated wrath, I’ll post in family chats, Facebook groups, twitter, Pintrest, Instagram, and Linkedin. (Yes, even Linkedin.)

The Rock - pancakes

Smells good

Come up with clever titles that sizzle off the stove.    

   
You hear that? Can you smell what the rock is cooking? No?

Oh…ok.

Your titles need to be clever, they need to entice people to, you know, click on your blog. Overly complicated titles with verbose words will not catch anyone’s eye. But something like, “How I killed the president.” Or “5 ways to cure cancer” will surely get people to click on your blog. So, without being gimmicky please come up with delicious titles that will make your readers wonder what the rock cooked so much, that they click on your blog. (Seriously what was he cooking?)

                                                                                              Steve-Harvey-miss-universe

 

Analogies are cool        

To further my analogy–you are no longer the girl tucked away behind her glasses and conservative clothing. You have gone through a metamorphosis into a beautiful model who is on stage just waiting for Steve Harvey to mistakenly call your name. Your looks and beauty have gotten you this far, but now its your content that will keep going to keep people coming and read more.

                                                                                                Miami-Dexter

It needs to be useful.  

Whether your blog is an online journal, a fashion blog, or a guide to serial killing, its purpose should be to help the audience in some way.

People care about you, but you know who they care about more than anyone else? Themselves. So, write for them. They will love it. Any blog can help people. Even your personal life experiences. Use those to help others get through the same problems and situations.

The best part about having a resource blog is that its usefulness never diminishes. People can come back, time and time again and share your blog because it is written to help others, so keep that in mind.

I like to write about anxiety because it is something that I conquered, and I know a lot of people suffer from it. Although I know people will get better from anxiety, I also know that when someone new falls into anxiety they will be able to benefit from what I wrote. This goes for any resource blog. Think about “What to expect when you’re expecting.” A lot of people get pregnant, and because of this people will constantly read up on pregnancy because it is extremely volatile and important. So, whatever you are writing about, try to write in a way that it helps other people. Its like the gift that keeps on giving, and Christmas is right around the corner.                                                                                                                                                                             Barney Stinson - Neil Patrick Harris

Read my blog   

Check out my blog next week as ill be posting the thrilling conclusion to, “Why no one is reading your blog part 1. With the highly unlikely, “Why no one is reading your blog–Part deux.” Starring, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Kevin Hart.

Side effects include, but are not limited to: Millions of followers, billions of page views, trillions of shares, and a gazillion imitators.

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