Why no one is reading your blog – Part Deux

So, I hear there’s been a lot of big changes in your life because you read my last blog

Apparently, you discovered the secret to immortality, gained the favor of the benevolent pope. Donald Trump and the queen revere you and yet, your latest blogs grand total of likes has moved from a paltry 2, to a 3.

Ps. it was me.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          
Not to worry, your training is not yet complete my young Padawan for part two awaits you and it, is, awesome.

The New York Times gave it a five out of five. That guy with the thumbs gave it, “two thumbs up.” The Rock said that, “It smells good.” People’s magazine called it, “the cure for blogging.” Forbes Magazine roared, “The Lion is King,” but most importantly, your mother kind of liked it, and well, your cat, just can’t get enough of it.

I’m not one to toot my own horn, but I am one to invent a second, third and fourth party that could toot it for me, with all that said. Here’s part two. (Click here to check out part 1), (And if for whatever reason you are weird enough to read a third, well, here it is.)

Weatherwoman Yanet Garcia

The weather looks very promising today

Have a great lead in that will hook your readers!                                                                              

Most times when people, like me, scroll past your blog, it’s normally because the excerpt, or the first few lines doesn’t speak to me. It has to resonate within the very depths of my soul. So, channel your inner Shakespearian if you must. Otherwise, I’ll be moseying on to the next thing. It’s kind of like speed dating when you think about it. So treat it like that.

For the most part, you should be excited about what you are writing. Writing is fun, and that excitement should permeate the entire post. But most importantly, be yourself. Don’t try to be me, I know I’m awesome but, you’re ok too. Besides, studies have shown that a planet full of Nerdy Lions would explode instantly, because—science.

Barney-Stinson-How -I-met-your-mother

Know your audience and find a niche                                                                                                   

Take your time and realise who you are writing for. If you are writing for serial killers at large, it probably wouldn’t make too much sense to post about how much you dislike celebrities, unless you are secretly trying to get them killed. In which case you are seriously diabolical.

If your blog has a general theme, i.e fashion. When Kim Kardashian stumbles upon your page, (because it is so awesome) she will stick around because other posts will be related to the very thing that brought her there in the first place. So have a niche, or find a general theme and it will help your audience grow and give your profile some much-needed exposure, plus some bonus clicks!

Game of thrones Peter Dinklage

A little smaller than I remember

Shorter posts (Aint nobody got no time for that.)

As I am sure a lot of you have realized by now. There is a sweet spot from 1200-1500 words, beyond that, most people are going to commit the cardinal sin of “skimming” and miss a lot of great content. So do yourself a favor and keep it tighter than a yoga instructor.

If you find that your post is beginning to resemble more of a dissertation than a blog post, go ahead and split it into multiple ones. Not only will you be able to go into more detail, but you will also have readers waiting for the thrilling conclusion to your posts.


This one is for the ladies

Drive traffic like a Nascar racer (Pinterested?)

I have yet to figure out the intricacies of Pinterest. So I cannot speak of its dark magic. But those who have managed to drench themselves with its warm malignant embrace still sing the graces of its glory. Apparently you can get thousands of extra views in a month. If you figure out how, please let me know.

SEO or Search Engine Optimization (since you asked), is very important as well. I, however am not a specialist, nor do I have enough money to get the plugin just yet. So I’ll leave a link here if I just tickled your fancy. Click here to find out more about SEO. Moz always has the answers

The Matrix

Avoiding these DM’s like…..


I know people need to make money, but there have been some blogs that I have tried to read and I literally couldn’t see the damn page because I was busy trying to dodge these pop up ads like I was Neo in the matrix. You want people to read your blog, not dodge bullets, even though that’s really cool if you can do that.

Side note: If you currently have the ability to dodge bullets, please teach me.


Focus on making better content. Write it, and they will come

If you write deep engaging content, people will be drawn to your blog whether you like it or not. So take time, think about why you are writing this post, think about the people who will benefit from it and do the best you can. This is one of the many reasons I post once a week. (Another blog, another time) The other is because I am lazy.


Provocative Pictures

Use pictures. Pictures are cool, see exhibit A. Remember, most people have ADD, well at least I do, if you don’t hook me like a fish right away, I am out. Honestly, a feature picture with a great title is like peanut butter and jelly you put some content inside of it and you got yourself a damn good sandwich.

This goes double if you are terrible at writing blogs like me, a great picture can make an otherwise boring post come to life and make people forget about your poor grammar. So go ahead, use that picture as a scapegoat and ride it all the way to the end.


When is season 4 coming out?

Don’t be so hard on yourself

Blogging is fun, enjoy writing and enjoy embracing your inner voice. If you are genuine and full of intent, great things will happen. So keep writing, keep sharing, keep engaging with others and slowly but surely your blog will grow and one day you’ll have a million followers (doubtful) and hell maybe the Rock will star in your documentary (Also doubtful.)

If none of this works, you could always commit blogger fraud and post about, “How you made millions blogging in the first month.” That always gets a look or two.

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