9 Reasons why you still have anxiety

Anxiety is a bit like that nagging cold that just won’t go away. You picked it up from that weird guy on the bus and now it’s just sitting there lingering, looming in the shadows like some kind of serial killer who gets off on that sort of thing. (Damn that guy)

Now you lay awake, waiting for it to strike again, subjugated to its parasitic will. You’re tired, but you feel like you have tried everything wondering, “why do I still have anxiety?” So, you come to me in your hour of need, like the hero that you deserve but not the one you need right now.

And to that I say……you have made the right choice – my child.

“Now, let’s put a smile on that face.” – Theodore Joker



What did I do this time?


It’s a bit of a paradox

Back in my human days, I had anxiety with the best of them (or worst if you look at it that way) and probably the most difficult aspect to getting rid of anxiety has to do with its paradoxical nature.

Anxiety is a bit like looking in the mirror, and that person looking back at you is part of the problem. The truth is, whatever drives your anxiety emanates from one place – you.

I know, the reveal that you are actually your own worst enemy is worse than finding out your parents are secretly Santa Claus, but I know you can handle it. Right?

Although it doesn’t feel like it, you have total autonomy over the way you feel. The only problem is…how do you get rid of an enemy when that enemy is also you?

Simple! You pluck it, you extricate that demon lodged firmly in your butt-hole and move on.

All butt-holes aside, it sounds you got some work to do.


huck in the hole

752, 752, 752, 752

You still have anxiety because, you haven’t changed anything

Some people think anxiety is something that will just simply go away with time, that if you close your eyes and squint just right you can wish it away – kind of like your high school bully, or your virginity. Unfortunately, quite the opposite is true and before long you have dug yourself a hole so deep that only MacGyver can wring you out.

Getting out of the hole is one of the most difficult things to do, especially because digging is so very easy. Now you have a mountain-sized problem, and although there “aint no mountain high enough,” it’s still a long way to climb back to yourself.



Rawr, I’m the ugliest Godzilla ever created.

Maybe you don’t fully believe you can get rid of it

Mentality is a huge aspect to anxiety, and one of the first battles is fully believing that you can actually get rid of it. If you believe it’s an insurmountable pile of poop or some unstoppable beast like Godzilla then things might become unreasonably difficult – and buildings may get smashed.

If you need an account of other humans getting rid of anxiety, go ahead and check out my previous post on how I cured my anxiety. It’s sure to help…. or at the very least its good for a laugh.



I’m not wearing hockey pads

Face your anxiety head on.

Remember Batman? Well, he taught me a lot about anxiety. As you should know by now, his biggest fear was bats. In order for him to get over his fear he literally became the personification of it and donned the bat suit. Now, I’m not saying you need to become your own version of batman – ok, on second thought that does sound pretty awesome. So yes, I guess I am saying become your own version of batman, you might just happen upon saving the world too, so that’s nice.



Tonight, we dine….on your anxiety.

You haven’t waged war on it yet

When you go to war against your anxiety, you actually take back a bit of yourself. I say war, because this part is not easy. Then again, it’s not meant to be.

The person you were before all of this, before all of the anxiety and weakness is trapped in a tenebrous room with all of the other things that go “bump” in the night. All I’m asking you to do is to reach into that broom closet and pull out the rest of yourself. I know its terrifying, but don’t pout. When you reclaim yourself, you not only can breathe again but you actually become more powerful than ever before.