You sit, toiling away in the fleeting hours of the night, sweat beading down your disgusting forehead as you try your hardest to make sure this blog post is the one, the very best that no one ever was.
Lately your readers have been less than loyal and more than likely, coming to my page. But then again, who doesn’t? You’re, here aren’t you?
Not to worry my young Padawan, the love doctor is in, and I got the potion that’s going to get people to love your blog. One sip of this stuff and you’ll be the master blogger you actually fancy yourself to be. That’s right! Now you’ll be able to travel across the land, searching far and wide for all of those followers you should have had by now. Teach them the power that’s inside your blog, because damn it, you gotta catch ‘em all.

Me literally climbing mount blogomere, yes he let go.
Time…use it.
I mentioned before in an earlier post titled, “why I only post once a week” that posting less often and taking more time to write a post increases the potential success and consequently the level of engagements. This is why I don’t simply just write a blog post and publish it. Nope, I write a post, edit it and continue to edit it until it reads well and flows the exact way I want. This takes time and a lot of alcohol, so you should invest in that. (The alcohol I mean)
By the time Sunday rolls around my post should be close to how I want it, and even then, I’m looking at revising awkward sentences and trying to figure out ways to make things not only sound funnier, but actually help at the same time.
So, whilst my herd of followers (i.e. you two, actually three now, I’m growing fast!) might want me to post every two days, there is a secret that each post must go through before I can post it. Not the editing and correcting grammatical errors that I mentioned earlier. No, each post must go through a gauntlet of trials, testing its wit, intellect and wisdom and if it can pass those tests then it gains entry to the blogging elders. Perched atop Mount Blogomere resides three old men, that fancy themselves the oracles of the blogosphere. These old bastards, stare and mock every single one of my posts until its “good enough” to receive their blessing. So, if my post comes a day late now you know why.
Man, those guys are assholes.

My job is to open her eyes. Basic principles: no matter what, no matter when, no matter who… any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet. He just needs the right broom.
Stop worrying about stats
SEO this, Niche that…. look, just write your blog and have fun doing it. We get caught up with all of these metrics and numbers when none of that stuff should even matter. If you want to be a great blogger, then write blogs, I’m not saying the other stuff isn’t important, but do not compromise the brand of your blog by obsessing over other things.
Focus on writing high quality content an putting the time and effort required in sweeping your audience off their feet with your words. You want to woo them, sticking to the numbers can create scenarios that trap you within the fixings of blogging. Creating a truly great blog post doesn’t begin by playing it safe, its all about going against the grain and leaving the stats behind, although its nice to get a million views a day. (Still waiting here.)

Timeless
Make sure its evergreen
Your content should leave a long lasting, potentially burning sensation in the minds of your readers – ok, maybe burning is a bit too far, but it should be memorable.
People create blogs for every reason under the sun, but if you are looking to have a very successful blog, you should create content that helps others in some way. I truly believe that if your intent is to guide other people you will be more successful, because everyone needs assistance at something and your masterful knowledge will create a bridge between their skill level and yours. I look at each blog post as an attempt at “beaming me up Scotty” – fun, futuristic and diverse.
Beyond that, each blog post, should be useable regardless of the date it is read. So, aspire to make posts that age well, like fine wine or Whitney Houston.
Her music you monster, I know she’s dead. Rest in peace.

I’m actually more of a snickers guy myself.
Keep your blog posts short and sweet
Listen, I understand that sometimes you can’t fit a post into a neat little box, lord knows I have written some essays on here, essays that could change the world if anyone would spend the days it would take to read my blog posts. That’s the thing, you want people to actually read your post, so keep it short and sweet, kind of like a chocolate bar. No – exactly like a chocolate bar.

“I have been 50 since 1980 man.”
Be genuine in each blog post
Who are you? Who who, who who?
Aside from sounding like a perpetual owl, you should find out who you are and what your blog is about. While you’re at it, find your voice! (Oh, if you don’t know where it is, then click here.)
Now that you have your “Morgan-Freeman-sipping-on-coffee-in-the-morning-voice” you should aspire to write content that you are passionate about and have some sass girl. Dare to turn some heads and piss someone off, as long as you are true to yourself, so too will your subscribers and those who hesitantly decide to read your blog.
Remember, fake love is good for no one.

How many licks until the bottom of the cookie jar?
Make sure you put your best foot forward
Every blog post is a showcase of not only your writing, but your brand. If you write like absolute garbage, people might be offended. Some, on the other hand might like it. (The crazies) So whatever you do, understand that it should be at a consistent standard. It might even behove you to try and figure out what that is. I try to make sure every post is read 8-10 times and I still make errors. Make sure to edit your work so that it reads well. No one wants to read a post they cannot understand.
I call it the cookie monster rule. It might be a great idea, but if no one understands it, it doesn’t work.
Don’t get caught with your hand in the cookie jar. Cookies!

“Turns the cap” becomes the best that ever did it.
Embrace imperfection
Ironically the key to writing the best blog post is embracing the imperfection that is you. Being perfect isn’t all that its cracked up to be. Trust me I know. Your imperfections are what make you awesome, those experiences that scarred you or make you different is what will draw your audience, don’t stray from who you are to become part of the collective voice, have your own voice and shout it loud. We don’t need another cookie cutter blog, its time to go against the grain. Shredded wheat if you will.

WHEEL. OF. FORTUNE!!
Spin the lottery wheel of blog posts
Look, you are going to write some killer blog posts. Some of them will take you far to long to write and leave you with red beady eyes and sweat dripping on the computer keys, only to have that one reader come by and read your post (aka your mom) or, if your lucky that weird stalker guy will have a sniff of it as well. Then there will be other posts, that quite literally come out of every ungodly orifice of your body and plummet onto the computer screen. (Phew, disgusting.) Yet, these posts, will inexplicably do ten times better than the other ones.
Sometimes, its all a game of chance, so keep writing blog posts until you hit the jackpot baby!
Apologies if this comment has posted twice… I got lost on the site and couldn’t find my way!
Thank you for sharing this… a very interesting read indeed… main comment being ‘Snickers!’ REALLY !!!???? A completely awful design that should never have made it to production in my view… but, as I’m sure you would point out, that’s just my view.
It seems from your post that I am making huge mistakes with my blog…
A relative newbie (since 1st April) I had no clue how often to write and have been posting every day. This is mainly because I’m using my blog as a therapeutic unburdening of trauma and it’s all just falling out of me at a great rate of knots. Once I reach the end of it all then maybe I will hone my blog to posting once or twice a week… It’s an evolving concept that I’m sure (I hope) will take form organically as I continue.
Stats… wow aren’t they pretty, and completely addictive. I love visiting them and watching them grow, it’s like cyber heroin ! But I can imagine how mortified I would feel if the day-blocks remained flat and unresponsive.
I like your style and am very glad I began following your blog.
Cheers
If you want to know a secret, I pay attention to my stats as well. It’s hard not too! I would be lying if I said I didn’t look at how each blog post performs.
I think it’s really good to blog for therapeutic purposes. Writing in general does that for me. I’m really happy that it’s been an unburdening for you. That’s amazing.
I’m sure you are going to be an awesome blogger. Thanks for your comment and your follow ❤
Writing is extremely therapeutic. If writing and posting everyday makes you happy then by all means! It is not a “mistake” at all. I post several times daily and have had great success doing so
Back at it again with the masterpiece, Nerdy Lion. I’ve a long way to go but I should give you credit, because ever since I started following your advise, my blog has done WAY better than before. Thank you Master and may the force be with you. *Obi-Wan voice*
That’s really awesome. Congratulations I’ll have to venture over to your blog 😉
You’re more than welcome! =]
Dude, I can’t believe you started following me. Thank you so much! 🤗
Always spot on advice, especially being genuine in your blog. Never a bad idea there. 🙂
Really great advice Leo. I usually only post once per week as well, sometimes less. What baffles me are these blogs where the writers are maybe posting 100 words, all about themselves, and they’ll have like 3,000 followers. WTH?? Blogging is a strange animal and you have to figure it out as you go. Thanks for the great advice man!!
I have seen those as well. Yup, there’s no magic formula but if you put your best foot forward good things will happen.
I couldn’t count how many times I smiled, grinned and giggled reading this post. Haha. You certainly know how to make reading enjoyable. I agree with your advice. One has to know what to offer on their blog, so as to have a certain (identity or brand). Good read and great advice!👌
Looks like I’ve been edged out of number 3 spot…lol. It takes me several read-throughs too before I finally, cringing, closed eyes, hit publish and hope for the best. Actually, I never really hope for much, just that the regulars might stop by and offer a little insight or just say hi. No matter what day of the week it ends up being, I’m always glad to get the email that says the Nerdy Lion’s had something to say.
PS. As I struggle to write my own blog, I think of what you’ve said in yours and I’m sure I’m not the only one so we (3) are thinking about your very helpful words much later in the week. Have a good one!
No cloudy you have it all wrong. You are the 3rd person haha. Thanks for being a pillar of my blog. I actually really appreciate it. You are one of the regulars that make posting worth it. So thank you 🙂
I gotchu 👊
Being guilty of this myself, I always resonate with some good, old-fashioned self-deprecation. Maybe that’s why I like your posts so much 🙂 Helpful tips. I have found posting once or twice a week is not only more engaging, but also so much less stressful! Who even has the time to post every day, multiple times a day? I get overwhelmed by blogs that do it that I don’t really want to read their posts!
Preach girl,, I can only do once a week and maybe if something pops in my head I will have a bonus post but thats it. Its so much less stressful!
Well said…love the humor – laughed out loud a few times 🙂
This is great advice, for me (a new blogger). Loved just about everything you said, but i have to admit… I don’t like chocolate, not at all. Not by itself, at least. Anyway, thanks for the advice and humor, too 🙂
Another excellent post, l love reading what you write, seriously l do. Is love too strong a word? No, it’s spot on. Great stuff, great advice and l walk away thinking – who needs films!? 🙂
Love your advice. I’ve got so many ideas brewing under the surface, I just don’t have the discipline to only post once a week… but I am working on cutting back. I guess writing is a bit addictive, no? Especially if you see it as a way to connect with others online.
Thanks for sharing this. I’m new to this whole blogging thing, so still trying to find my feet. Advice like this from seasoned bloggers is really helpful 🙂
“Seasoned” boy that sounds delicious. Oh right you meant blogging! Yeah, you’ll do great, just keep at it. Thanks for popping by 🙂
I definitely enjoyed reading your post for the tips as well as your fun sense of humor! 🙂
Thanks so much 🙂
You’re welcome!
Great tip! Me, well, I love anything with nuts in? And, I got the three ‘Wise’ women too. One’s wears a halo, one wears a crown and the other one ‘horns!’ Xx
Yeah, I think chocolate has to have nuts. Haha, so good! Loved your website by the way. I will be checking it out. 🙂
Cool, c’mon over, I recommend sunday morning glory for bedtime reading!
Thank you, it’s all meant in fun. I’m in stitches writing about these four rude, randy buggers! Chocolate’s my new addiction, much healthier than any of the others! I can’t wait to read some of your book!
As a brand new blogger, this was so helpful. I always thought having a more impersonal voice was better, but seeing the life it brings to your posts makes me think differently! I look forward to really going over my posts before putting them online now. Thank you!
I thought so as well, but then I realized that the blog is mine, I need to have a voice, or else I’ll sound like everyone else. 🙂
Very wise words from a very wise lion. I will remember them well!
Hmm!!
You said right.. I’m also the one who spends hours to make the blog better.. And sometimes too confused whether to publish the bold and to the point content..
But, as you said we shall be genuine..
Readers love it..!!
Thanks for sharing!!
You got it girl! Let that awesome personality shine through 🙂
Good day everyone, if anyone has a moment to check out my blog and any feedback is welcome, God bless y’all
Thank you! I need to send this to my email to reread. It’s very viable information! I’m mostly like Psyduck.
You’re welcome https://konveksitasindonesia.wordpress.com/2018/03/19/konveksi-tas-murah-berkualitas-di-jakarta-indonesia/
Oh, I sent it to my Pinterest Board
😁 thanks so much for the advice. Being consistent is a problem I struggle with and I can get a bit obsessed with refining my posts to make them look perfect.
Leo, Nerdy, Keeper of the all holy secrets of Blogosphere,
We pledge allegiance to you, we promise to uphold the code of blogging, else fall upon our mighty pen* and smudge greatly across our perfect prose.
(*or laptop, but that makes that funny buzzing noise and accidentally opens twitter and shares with the world that our head did hit upon the keys fghtusowur, so pen is better).
This is our solemn oath.
Fab post doodarino. Thanks muchly.
This is quite possibly my favorite comment ever. I’m going to have to add a stream of comments on my home page for stuff like this. 🙂 love love love.
You’re more than welcome https://konveksitasindonesia.wordpress.com/2018/03/19/konveksi-tas-murah-berkualitas-di-jakarta-indonesia/
Being genuine is always important!
Also, I thought you might be interested in participating in this quick writing challenge! I’ll be promoting the blogs of anyone who participates!
https://themomsomnia.wordpress.com/2018/05/09/quote-writing-challenge-all-welcome/
Great blogging tips! Thank you for sharing! Sometimes it’s easy to overthink when it comes to writing a blog post. I agree, focusing more on writing and improving over time, that’s the key to blogging.
While I agree with some points you make, I personally feel that a blogger needs to post more than once a week. Some blogs are suited for a once-a-week slot, but constant practice is the key to anything, so posting daily, as I do, is to me more important. There’s quality and there’s quantity, but if you can turn out good quality content regularly then it will mean more than one highly polished piece once a week
this was super informative, and it made me laugh! loved it ♥️
I am reading your post for the first time and I love it! Everything you have said is relatabble with me. I am blogger with only two followers (and I really don’t know how I got them) but I am going to read every post of. It’s amazing! Add a new follower on your list Leo