When your best friend dies, you remember everything.
I still remember the way I dropped the telephone on the ground—listening as I heard the distant moans of her voice. There I was, twenty years old and yet my life felt like it had just ended. My mind waded in the darkness, for a moment that was so long, that I learned what eternity was. I couldn’t deny it any longer. It was here. He was dead and I wasn’t ready yet.
If you are reading this blog I am sorry for your loss, I’m really sorry because people expect to lose their parents or grandparents at some point in their life, but no one prepares for their best friends to die. In fact, we expect these people to be around when our parents die and act as our bedrock when times get tough. So, when your best friend dies it is absolutely earth shattering. Surviving the death of your best friend is one of the most difficult things you will ever have to do. Speaking from the other side of the tunnel, I hope that this blog helps you accept what’s happened and begin the stages of moving on without them.
Disclaimer: I know a lot of my followers wanted this to be a series, but the more I thought about the intent behind this, I realized I couldn’t. When my best friend died eight years ago I was distraught and I know if my past self could have read something like this, he would have needed it all in one go. Besides, splitting it up would completely ruin the personal element. Look at the bright side, now you get to learn about me.

My legacy is so beautiful
You will need to mourn.
When your best friend dies you are going to have to mourn, potentially cry. Sounds terrible right?
Well I cried — like a lot. Night after night, day after day. I mean anything and everything would set me off. A certain tree, the way the wind blew, even emotionally charged movies like titanic would elicit a tear. (I mean what type of robot doesn’t cry at the end?) It was really bad, but sometimes you reach a point where crying feels good and boy I could cry. The funny thing is, when your best friend dies you stop caring about who sees you. I would revel in my tears, wrapped up in my blankets sobbing like a girl. I exclusively listened to emo music for months so that I could get all the tears out–so from MCR to Taking Back Sunday, The Used, I cried to them all.
School was a wrap, I remember one day in stats just tearing up in the middle of class. I had no business being in that room. I’m sure the teacher was riveted by his plethora of numbers and rhetoric he bloviated, but every word he said was completely lost upon me. I was in a different world and no matter how much he postured, or yelled, none of it was going in.
And then there was the people, they literally come out of the woodwork and will find you like Liam Neeson just lost his daughter for the 3rd time. No matter how much you want to avoid them, you become this unavoidable magnet for them and constantly hear things like, “How are you doing?” “What happened?” “I never knew it was that bad.” These are just some of the spectrum of questions you will be asked. Just nod your head and be open to a few hugs and the potential tear. Sure, you might be reminded of something you don’t want to fester on, but in this social media frenzy we call life, it’s impossible to avoid it.
So, I went on moping around like Peter Parker in that horrendous Spiderman 3 movie. Moped through my exams and possibly even harder at the results. You see, my university was in Canada, and I am from Bermuda. So by the time I got home I had missed it all, I missed the funeral, all the tears and cries of his family, all the different vestiges of him that were still alive in his mother and his sisters, I missed beautifully written soliloquies about the meaning of life and about the lives he touched, but most of all — I missed seeing his body put to rest.
I had been detached from it all for so long, I hadn’t yet grasped the reality of the situation, but once I stood above his blank tombstone and felt the last whisper of him disseminate into the ether I finally began to internalize everything.
Soon after, I met up with his mother. She raised him as a single parent, so for as strong as our bond was, it paled in comparison to theirs. He was her pride and joy, her only child, so this was especially sad for her. Initially, I wasn’t sure what to do or what to say, but as we sat there in the youth of spring the words came and flowed into stories. Stories that we sobbed over together.
She told me about his final moments on the air ambulance, how he decided to end the medication and told them to stop trying to resuscitate him because, “he was tired.” Tired of all the pain and anguish and watching the sorrow in his mother’s eyes. Tired of going to the hospital week after week, while his friends were in school and having fun. Tired of pretending to not be in pain when all the while, every minute of every day his blood curdled and needled him in ways only us mortals can imagine.
Although it hurt to hear the truth, I got something in that conversation that I had to have. Closure, something that I am not sure she will ever have. And something you will desperately need when your best friend dies.

Man, they did Kim wrong in this one.
Welcome to your meltdown moment:
This is not to be confused with the classic, “Kodak moment” which is ten times better and has obscenely better lighting. Nope, your mascara will run, you will cry and I mean ugly cry – like Kim Kardashian reveal cry. Fall to your knees, scream to the heavens sort of vehemence. It’s the type of thing you never expect to have inside, I sure as hell didn’t think I did either, but trust me, it’s there. My great cinematic meltdown arrived at the end of the unenviable “denial stage” of grieving.
I’m not proud to say that this was my most pathetic moment of my adult life, but that’s what I do, I’m a man of the people, I do this for “y’all.” It was like something out of a movie – or a long running sitcom. I turned on my Xbox to a new message notification, and somehow it was him, he must have sent it right before he was rushed to the hospital. I dangled with my controller for what seemed like days, wondering what he would say to me, before finally – I clicked it.
He chuckled and mumbled his way through his words as he always did, but they were beautiful to me. They were the most candid sentiments he had ever loafed in my direction. He wasn’t the sentimental type, but this one message had more emotion in it than I had ever seen during our entire friendship and boy, it broke me down. Hearing his voice again unlocked everything. Suddenly, it felt as though he was right next to me, but in reality, I wasn’t even sure where he was.
After sucking back the tears, I sent what could only be described as an attempt at gibberish. Cry as I might, I continued to speak into the empty microphone leading to nowhere. Maybe I was saying these words just for myself, but deep down a part of me really believed that he was going to receive it and get back to me one last time. One last time.
But as you might have guessed that moment never came and after waiting for my reality to change, I became disillusioned to it all. He wasn’t coming back. And so I fell to my knees and looked up to the skies and I cried my little eyes out because my friend was gone and I was never going to speak to him again.
It’s been eight years, but I can still feel it. (side note: Now you know how old I am if you can do math)

Wait, it wasnt real?
Welcome to the real world (Denial is a bitch)
You will plot the most intricate, creative ways that your best friend is still alive, so well in fact that you will manifest this person into your dreams and weave them into existence. I can’t tell you how many seemingly lucid dreams I have had where he was still alive. So lucid in fact, that I thought I was in the matrix or something. (Listen, when your best friend dies, anything goes.)
Alas, these do not stop, you will awake from your bed and feel as though Leo has literally been spinning your brain like his little trinket. (Not me, the real Leo.)
I like to place these dreams in a few categories; the “The doctor got it wrong.” The, “Were just going to gloss over the fact that they died part.” And the best one. “My god this makes sense, they really could be alive,” or the “New information was brought to light.”
It stings when you wake up and they are not there. I just want you to remember it gets easier. I chuckle these days when it happens to me. It’s actually a blessing because I still get to see him and speak to him. Although he is normally making fun of me or cussing me out about a wacky scenario in my dream, I still get a piece of who they were when they were alive and that makes me feel good.

Lightweight brah
When your best friend dies you need to do the things you enjoy (Or figure out what that is.)
Take this time to focus on yourself, make yourself happy, so indulge in your passions and try to become the best version of yourself like your best friend would have wanted. Sitting around and crying about the past helps no one and you friend would not have wanted that for you. Like most people who go through toil and despair, I decided it was only natural to work out a lot of my issues at the church of iron. (Besides the view didn’t hurt either) So I hit the gym really hard, so hard people started to look at me funny, because I wasn’t training just for me anymore, I had him on my sleeve as well. I got back into my guitar playing and I started writing again. I wrote music, poetry and sometimes I even wrote short stories. Anything to help me come to grips with my emotions. All of this served the same purpose –release. It’s about releasing those emotions to the world, and letting go, because bottling it all up inside can lead to ruminating about negative emotions and never moving on from the past.

Maybe I should be a travel agent
Do the things that you always said you were going to do together.
So our grand scheme was to learn Japanese, then once we achieved a certain level of proficiency (i.e understanding small sequences of anime without the subtitles.) We would then, go to the land of the rising sun and if everything went according to plan and maybe just maybe if the women found us attractive enough, or at the very least spoke back to us, we would bring (potentially bribe) some lovely Japanese ladies back home with us in Bermuda.
So far I am a paltry one for three, I ended up marrying a beautiful woman, albeit Canadian, she still meets part of the criteria, so maybe .5 of 3. None the less, I can’t trade her in now. (Love you Ashley.)
Still this cannot stand! One day when I am not perpetually broke, I will travel there, I will go in the spring when the cherry blossoms are in bloom and I will cry my face off. But at least I will be able to look as the petals sough past my face and say “we did it.”

What’s crazy? Definetly not my hair, no thats just ahead of the curve.
It’s totally fine to go and do something crazy.
The night is dark and full of terrors – the same can be said about the road you are currently on to survive the death of your best friend. Now other people might go out and do something balls to the wall crazy, like jump off of a building or go skydiving. When your best friend dies that’s totally fine. My manhood was and is a bit more average than that, so I dialed back the crazy just a tad.
I figured a tattoo was more my speed. Prior to this, I never had a good enough reason to get a tattoo (piercings still scare the hell out of me by the way.) But after he died, something changed inside of me, and instead of being on the fence about tattoos or a what I call a “bareskin.” (Another blog another time) I was all in. After a lot of thought and a ton of research, I realized it was only fitting that my first tattoo be a chest piece big enough where moms everywhere could hate it. I decided on the epic Hyrulian crest. (Zelda fans celebrate here) That way it was close to my heart and symbolized all of the things that he meant to me – courage, strength and wisdom.
The tattoo artist was blunt enough to tell me that he didn’t think getting a huge chest piece was going to be easy for a virgin tatooie like me. But at that point, no amount of pain was going to deter me from this, I needed it. And so, he poked and prodded for all of 4 hours, until my masterpiece was complete. Although it was painful, there was something cathartic about the continuous pricking of the needles. Sure, it was a slugfest, but I think I really needed to feel that, because it really shed some light into what he felt on a daily basis. It not only made me feel closer to him, but I felt like if he was alive he would have respected me for doing it as well.
So embrace your pain and transmute it into something beautiful and positive. Pain is not always a negative thing, it is how you channel that pain or anger that really matters.

An actual picture of me
(Carrying them with you so you can let go.)
The tattoo idea naturally bleeds into this point. This of course isn’t a tangible thing, it’s a state of mind and it might be difficult to comprehend, however, as I normally do, I will try to explain.
I put my tattoo on my chest so that he would always be close to my heart. In that way you have to remember to carry that person with you every day, because the words you speak, the actions you pursue are all manifested by the time you spent with that person. There’s a causality there. You are who you are because of the way you were when you were with them. I know it sounds like a tongue twister but it’s true.
But then, in this really subtle way they are always there with you, when the last light of the setting sun burns itself away in crimson I can still feel a whisper of him smiling back at me, blowing the tide inward and rustling the leaves around me. It’s the ebb and the flow, the moon and the stars, that twinkle in the dark waters. The warm cozy feelings you get when things are going your way and the calm placidity when you are under immense pressure. You see, they never go away, because you carry them with you, whether they are physically here or not.

So, I grew a beard.
Talk to someone
I wasn’t as smart as you clearly are for reading this blog. But I had amazing friends, friends that let me cry and were not afraid to cry with me. When your best friend dies, you will need a support group, or at the very least, people who can handle your meltdown moment. If you don’t have friends like this maybe consult a therapist or cheaper, your parents, but you need to talk to someone or at the very least release your anguish.
I know you feel like every moment feels amplified, that the world is ending and that your future doesn’t exist without that person. But it does and it will. Yeah you’re crying now with tears of sorrow, but one day those tears will be tears of joy, of memories you shared and happiness that will never go away, things will get better I promise.
Time does not stand still.
Time can be the cruelest of all deities. At times you will find it heartless and unforgiving, in this instance it will fester on your agony and make each moment linger for eternity, but even time is not without benevolence.
Take respite in the sheer fact that we are built upon a continuity of moments, each moment although different, move inexorably forward as time cannot stop. This means that although right now things feel like the world is ending, soon enough you will be able to look back on this prior version yourself knowing that you survived it and that going forward you can do anything, because if you survived the death of your best friend, you can survive anything.
Your friend didn’t die in vain, they passed along their entire being to you. All of their courage, their honor, integrity, strength, but most importantly, you have inherited their will because, you are their will. You live on despite their physical death, and now that person is etched in the very foundation of your soul. The clock will tick you further and further away from the incident and the further you go, the brighter your soul will glow. You will come to radiate with all of the beautiful memories that you once captured and understand that immortality resides within your mind, for moments are untouched, no matter how far away you are from it.
I still remember that first day at school on the playground with him sitting there on the wooden bench looking at me, bouncing the basketball like I was Jordan. I remember wondering if I would ever talk to him, waiting for the opportune time to speak and then the ball bounced itself right into his hands, he looked at me and said. “Can I play too?”
When your best friend dies, you will feel like the world is ending, but guess what, you will survive the death of your best friend. I repeat, you will survive the death of your best friend. I know it hurts, I know you don’t believe you can bare it, but look at me I am still standing and so are you.
Carry on my wayward son.
Side note: If you enjoyed this style of this post when your best friend dies, I can make more in the future,. Since I am sure you are wondering, my best friend died from complications stemming from a disease known as sickle-cell anemia. I wont go into much more detail than that at the moment. Also, I want to thank all of my followers for your huge support and response to my previous post. I love you all.
©
I lost one of my friends in fifth grade… this post brought back some memories of grieving I guess you could call it the wrong way. Wish this exited then. Sorry for your loss.
❤
Oh boy ….thank you
Sorry for your loss. My best friend died ten years ago. The grief never really leaves you. I wrote a little bit about it here: https://mymasheduplife.com/2017/10/05/ten-years/
What a beautiful post. I particularly liked one of the final paragraphs: “Your friend didn’t die in vain, they passed along their entire being to you…” thank you for sharing this.
That was my favorite part as well 🙂 thanks for commenting.
Well written, honest and informative…well done you x
Thank you so much Anna 🙂
God Bless You Leo. Sorry for your loss, thankyou for sharing. I lost my mum last year who was also my best friend – double whammy! You are my hero ❤ (wish I could tan like that!! I mostly fashion Casper the ghost ☺)
Im sorry to hear about your mother. Thats so difficult to go through. ❤ Oh yeah I definetly tan well lol. I am black so that makes sense haha.
I too lost my friend when I was 16, I know the pain …. On reading your post, my pain again seems to come up but gradually at the end of my reading, I feel nice.
Really you blog in a great way.
So young to go, I’m sorry for your loss. Thanks for reading 🙂
You are welcome
An excellent post my friend on a difficult subject.
Death always a nightmare to write about, but well done for tackling it.
Grief is the worst part of death, remembering the whats, whens and where’s. I have lost many over the years. The first my hardest, was my fiance and son when l was 24 – we got hit by a truck at a cross roads and that was them gone. Took me 30 years to get over that, finally releasing the guilt that wasn’t mine last October.
Only now can l write about it … life does get better when you accept closure.
You were right to make this one piece though. A series would have p;aid no homage or salute to a wonderful memory.
Well done.
Wow, this post hit me straight in the feels.
I think the way you dealt with it is amazing. It requires lots of inner strength and is definitely not an easy thing to do.
I think I speak on behalf of everyone who read this blog post, that we’re very proud of you, Leo – and, I think your friend would be too. 😉
Take it easy, man and may God rest your friend’s soul in peace. <3
Thank you for such a wonderful comment. I hope he’s proud of me as well. ❤
Thank you for sharing. My brother passed away last month and I can relate to some of what you’ve written here, though it is still very fresh for me. Thank you once again.
My condolences go out to you and your family. I am here if you need to vent about anything. ❤
Thank you! That’s really kind.
Wow, this is an incredible post. I haven’t dealt with anything like this, but I appreciate the post all the same, in case I need something like this in the future. Beautiful post.
Thanks Kara 🙂 Its tough but hopefully it helps someone in the process.
Beautiful words Leo! Could I make a suggestion that you share your music and stories on your blog? Xx
I’m definitely considering it.
Wonderful post. I lost my best friend two years ago. We had been friends since we were 10. I am now 77 so that is 65 years! That is a very long time and I do carry her in my heart. Your post was beautiful.
Beautiful post Leo.
I only got to “well I cried”….then I cried. Had to stop a couple of times as the effect of your story made the words too blurry. I actually sobbed.
I think loosing a very good friend only a year ago is still quite raw. We go on living but the grief stays with us for a long time.
Thank you so much for sharing 🌷
That moment in my life was filled with sorrow, but we all go through it and I believe it makes us all stronger people. After all of the crying, which, still comes out from time to time haha.
Great post. My best friend died 3 years ago, and holding onto those positive memories was what really got me through.
Memories are some of the most magical things we humans have. I find when you focus on the good memories it makes things a bit easier to bare, especially if that person was in pain. Memories keep people alive, so in that way our friends are with us forever.
holy fucking liver bitch was that a trip. um fam. yo okay
1 That was an amazing well articulated heartfelt post I commend that, I can’t really call it a style and encourage it more but this kind of mass collective catharsis shit is Good Shit, and I would encourage it (not cuase im a realling masochist) but because I can respect and admire that and it’s for the greater good.
2 you’re hot. shut up.
3 Zelda fan over here literally reeling and weeping. i . fuck. just can we just. shit that you’re frienship with this guy is beautiful. I’m currently going through some Baby angst by comparison with my best friend (long story short: I love him, like wagas, meaning in filipino ‘without ends’, unconditionally, truly unfathomably and I’m coming into grips that doesn’t necessarily translate into a romantic relationship. Even though i embarrassingly just confessed some of said romantic feelings towards him. It’s wack. BUT YO, okay your writing helped, I mean I can really see here how meaningful a best friendship could be REGARDLESS of distance and time and gender etc etc and even if you don’t marry him I CAN VERY MUCH RELATE TO THE. SHIT. I WILL GO TO JAPAN WITH YOU. AND CRY UNDER CHERRY BLOSSOMS WITH YOU GO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH IM THANKFUL FOR HAVING EVERY INCH OF YOU IN MY LAYF.
4 breathe. hooooh. OKAY. YO. I FIRMLY BELIEVE THAT the souls and spirits of people truly never die. That the things that they were concerned with and interested in when they were alive continue and live on in a very literal sense. I’m sort of a lowkey psychic, and I FELL THIS. QUITE FUCKING VISCERALLY. Now I can’t do a woo woo imma seance a message from him to you right now, cause HONEY. I DONTKNOW HOW TO DO THAT. AND >>5 HE’S ALREADY FUCKING WITH YOU ALL THE TIME ANYWAY. IT’S SO BLOODY EVIDENT IN YOUR POST. THERE’S NO DENYING IT, YOU’RE ALREADY SUPER 10MILLION TIMES CORRECT with carrying literally along with you in life. i literally.
okay I’m yabbering at this point. but
6 (i’ll probably should stop counting at some point too but) I use dreams as one of my primary connections and communications to spirit. Um I don’t want to plug blog articles, but I’ve legit received messages, like body thrumming, more real than REAL, hair raising messages from dream people who make me realize some shit. and reading this, let me tell you HE’S TALKING TO YOU. you’re not making this up, consciousness doesn’t die, the dream self has been used for centuries and throughout cultures to visit other realms. DON’T OVERTHINK IT. I’m just telling you’re never really apart and your dreams are plenty evidence – and you already knew that anyway right ?
SO YEAH. UMMMMM. great article sendin you love through the interweblines
You are 100% right about the dreams. I think he’s talking to me as well. I have some interesting theories on that. Who knows I might write some more about it, I did have some other blog ideas.
People assume that the term “soulmate” is only used for your significant other but that’s not true, you can have multiple soulmates but not be romantically involved. I would say most of my friends are my soulmates as well as my wife. She fulfills me in the relationship aspect as well as the friendship aspect though.
Thanks for all the love ❤
Ohoh consider me already a fan of your dream theory blogpost !!
And yes I’ll have to agree with on the soulmate statement. When I drew cards for my bestfriend I drew philia- family. He’s literally. family. Which doesn’t diminish the importance of the relationship in any way. I think I just grew up in a heteronormative culture that’s forcing me to see this as romantic since we’re a guy and a girl who are close so THIS must happen.
No problem yo, you’re honestly very much writer goals. I’m waking up more determined to beat some sense into my writing and join blog groups as you’ve iterated in multiple posts. Also discussin g difficult topics like this and drawing from the grit and clay of our personal experiences is the best part of the internet bloggo experience. May I find ways to flense out my own feelings like this and also be able to help others.
Cheers !
whoa, this was a great read.
I know it’s so hard to write all of this out, but I really appreciate it. Sometimes I feel like I’m going insane and reading you went through some of the same motions makes me feel so much better.
Thanks for sharing
❤ We are all human. You are definetly not insane 🙂 I’m happy it made you feel better.
At 14 my son’s best friend from age 3 1/2, was killed in a terrible highway accident. His grief was inconsolable for days. My heart broke for my son, and for Michael’s Family…I couldn’t begin to imagine the loss of a best friend or child.
Before the funeral, I took my son to buy dress pants, shirt and tie to wear. I kept asking him how the fit of the clothes were feeling. He started yelling at me, “THEY FEEL LIKE SHIT! I should not be buying clothes to wear to his funeral, I should be buying them to wear to be the best man at his wedding when we are all grown up. This SUCKS!” Ripping clothes off, throwing them, kicking them at me out of the dressing room. He was crying, I was crying the sales lady was getting us water and tissues. For days all he could do was sit in front of the computer and watch over and over the last Go Pro video he had made of them skiing. Every major event in his life that has happened since, he’s longed for his friend.
I was stunned to read that your emotions were very similar to mine when I found out my husband had been cheating. I felt like my best friend died. It was almost an identical grieving process, right down to getting a tattoo, obviously not one as cool as that, but I too wanted to feel the pain of the needles. The one I chose was a tree for the inside of my wrist (a very painful spot) that had a lonely swing in it. I wanted to do it just so I could feel something…anything when I felt nothing. A reminder of the pain I felt, and the strength I lost but hoped the tree would remind me that I was somehow going to be stronger, that I would survive everything that happened.
You are right as time goes on the hurt is less, you find comfort in memories and try and move forward as best you can without them. No better explanation than yours of how to deal with the loss of a best friend. Thank you! I’m very sorry for your loss.
P.s. I’m glad you went with one post.
Wow, I feel for you and your son. 14 is so young, he will always look over his shoulder and think, “I wish he was here to see this.” I still do it, and I think to myself, when I see my wife’s best friend with her family how he would have had one by now, he would have been the best man at my wedding, me to his, we would have raised our children together as family, grew old together, all that stuff. So now it’s more of I do those things with him on my shoulder. And that’s ok too. I’m never truly alone anymore because he’s there with me. Same as your son.
Really sorry about your husband you seem far to wonderful to have him cheat on you. My heart goes out to you. ❤
I definitely understand what you’ve been through. This Christmas will mark eight years since my best friend passed away, and the recovery period was absolutely brutal, especially since no one had expected her to die. I think the only difference between you & I is that in a way, I wasn’t allowed to grieve or mourn after the first couple of days. I was raised in a family where you’re “supposed to be tough/strong/happy” at all times. It sucked every time I had wanted to talk to someone at home about how I was feeling because in a way, everyone was like, “Just move on already”. It affected me pretty badly that following year as my grades began to fall, my relationships with people began to crumble, and I was considering ending my own life. I think once my family realized the wreck I was becoming, the more willing they were to help me recover. The only times I really got to mourn were when I got to talk to friends, plus talking to my friend’s mom really helped as well.
Almost eight years later, & I’m still tearing up just thinking about all this. However, living life for my friend & being the best person she’d want me to be helps a lot. I know she’s so much happier where she is right now, and I know she wants me to be happy as well.
I’m so glad you’re still surviving, living, and thriving eight years later. I know your friend is smiling down on you 🙂
I’m so sorry you didn’t have that chance to mourn initially. I’m going to give you a big virtual hug with love and affection now. “hugs”
It’s an odd feeling losing them. A wound that is never sealed off. Especially because they are your age. I know your friend is smiling down on you as well. I’m not even sure what the term for this would be, but since our best friends died the same amount of years ago that gives us something in common for sure.
Thanks for the virtual hug haha 🙂
It really is such an odd feeling losing them & knowing they won’t return physically. However, it is nice knowing they’re at peace. And yes, it really does give us something in common. (also, yeah that’s a really good question…what would be the term for this? haha)
Wow Leo,
Talk about hitting home… I lost my best friend really suddenly 4 years ago and what you’ve written really rings true, not only for me but obviously for all those who have been moved to comment.
I find day-dreamy times of what would she say, do, think and advise me filter into nearly every big decision or event in my life, especially with my trauma dealing. She is alive in me and still guides me when I feel lost; she also shares those happier moments when I can feel her on the breath of the wind on my face and in the beauty of another sunset.
Blessings to you xxx
Beautifully said. I have always believed that because energy doesn’t simply disappear it changes it’s state and the way it interacts with the world. I truly believe that about death. And in a way it’s extremely beautiful to think they are everywhere at once now. She is there with you. I feel the exact warmth when something good happens or even when something bad happens. They are your shield now. 🙂
Thank you for posting this and in one go. Yes, I cried. No, I haven’t lost a best friend except to drifting away due to time and distance or personal issues, but that is one of my biggest fears. My best friend of the last decade is very special to me and she is also very sick. Most of the time she can fight it, but I have been woken by phone calls that have scared the crap out of me. She has tried to take her life several times and has come very close. She recently told me that it’s only a matter of time before she is successful. She has several psychiatric disorders that she has been treated for, but nothing has worked as of yet. I keep hoping and praying she can hold out until something does. I feel selfish because she is in so much pain, but I don’t want to lose her. I feel like I just can’t handle that.
That is very tough to deal with, possibly worse than my situation. There is hope for your friend though, no matter how bleak it may seem. My friend had complications with his disease that led to a terminal condition. But we all thought he would pull out of it because he was young. I hope your friend does. If not, I am here for you if you need to talk. 🙂
Thank you <3
😦 🙂
I’m so sorry for your loss. Personally, I never really liked it when people said that, because if something is lost, it implies that it can be found again. It’s like I’m saying your friend is just missing. But I’m using it now because I think that the feelings of happiness and friendship that you shared with him can be found again (and I think you have found them again or, at the very least, you’re in the process of finding them again).
Stay awesome.
And stay nerdy.
I have been truly blessed in my life to have met so many soul mates. Luckily I still have 5 including my wife. Having healthy emotional relationships with people makes life so much more fulfilling and although losing him was the worst time in my life, I had a support group that helped me through it and realise that life goes on.
Thanks for the lovely comment dear, and I will always be NERDY. You can’t take the nerd out of a lion…… Or sonething.
I am so sorry for your loss. Your post was eloquent and moving. Reducing me to tears several times. It is always interesting when they visit your dreams. My grandma use to say it was how those who love is and are gone can come and check up on us. You did your story credit telling it all in one rather than breaking it up.
Great post and sorry for your loss, I know this was a hard one to do but it is so important to get out there, these words of yours. I do not know what it feels like to lose your best friend but I have experienced a lot of loss in my life. My husband lost his best friend when he was a teenager to cancer. It was right about that time he met me. I never got to meet his friend, he died a week after my husband and I started dating but I know it was hard on my husband. He still talks about his friend every now and then and shares those stories with our kids who are 18 and 20 now. You are right, if we keep a little of the ones we lost with us and we pass on a little who they were, in a way it keeps them alive, through us, the ones that loved them. Thanks for sharing your friend with us.
Im so, so sorry for your loss. This is very powerful and what a way to honor both your friend and your grief. ❤️
Thank you so much Alexis 🙂
Beautiful tribute to your best friend. Thank you for sharing
A beautifully written post, incredibly powerful and very good advice.
I feel you, it’s been quite some time since I lost my friend at 14 and there is a powerful familiarity in everything you said here. If anyone is currently in the early stages of this grieving process then they will no doubt find great comfort in your words. I feel the feels here. I don’t like saying I’m sorry for your loss, but that’s the sentiment I’ll end the comment on.
I usually try to engage with the author of the blog post in some form or another…. But, for this one, I am quite literally speechless. I have no words.
It really hit home for me, in a manner that I cannot describe.
Much love
❤
This is such a beautiful post! I’m so sorry for your loss. The grief never truly leaves you but I look forward to the time when I’m able to see my loved ones again in Paradise (Luke 23:43; John 5:28,29; Revelation 21:3,4). Until that time may the God of all comfort provide you with the strength and comfort needed to continue to endure.
I was searching for tattoo sleeve posts as I came across your post.. Loosing my best friend is a fear of me since years so you got me hooked instantly.. I didn’t loose my best friend but i can relate to this well written post.. Thank you for sharing a intens emotional moment of your life..
I almost lost my best friend recently, and it’s been tough. I can’t imagine what actually losing him would be like.
Also, I found this part very amusing, “ realized it was only fitting that my first tattoo be a chest piece big enough where moms everywhere could hate it.” Nicely said lol.
I’m happy he is ok. It’s very tough dealing with that situation. I hope you don’t have to worry about that for a very long time <3
Thank you for your compassion ❤️❤️
Cried by eyes out.. Best blog post I’ve ever read! My best friend and his mom were murdered in 2011…i needed that post right now. Thank you
Murdered. That is horrible. Sometimes life isnt pretty, but what we do with that is up to us. I’m happy you enjoyed the post. I wish you well.