I know you fancy yourself the next great philosopher, right up they’re with, Socrates, Plato and Philosoraptor. Even now, after the dye has cast on your newest masterpiece, your magnum opus, you sit back opining in sheer amazement. Suddenly, images of your imminent future flash before your eyes, millions of people thanking you for your infinite wisdom and intellect, gifts pouring in from every corner of the earth, bringing great tidings, countless women, infinite views and most importantly – comments we want comments.
You send a bird to disseminate the message out to the world, awaiting to hear the grand rapturous applause from your mass following (I.E the three people who mistakenly clicked follow.) But then – silence. Nothing but a gaping hole the size of the Grand Canyon or your mothers……well, you know. All mom jokes aside, no return bird, no messages, no fan mail, hell – not even any hate messages. That’s right, no one commented on your post, again.
By now, you have grown accustomed to the fleeting “like” from here to there, but you want more than a casual fling, you want a real commitment, you….my fair lady, want to get more comments! A real meaningful blogging engagement. A response to remember, not commentless in Seattle.
Not to worry, the Lion is here, so don’t get your knickers in a twist. By the end of this, you will get bloggers to comment on your posts, even if I have to do it myself. Trust me, I’m a man of my word, and I don’t say much. (Just a bunch of roaring here and there.)
No one is reading your blog
This begs the age-old question, “how can one leave comments on something they cannot see?” Simple, they can’t. If no one is reading your blog in the first place, unfortunately that also means, no one is commenting, liking, sharing, or doing any other fun activities that all the other blogs get.
As I mentioned in a previously amazing, potentially life-altering post titled “Why no one is reading your blog.” Right now, your blog is that really pretty girl in the back of the class hidden behind her large glasses and long hair strewn across her face. No one has ever heard the mellifluous sounds of her voice or seen the beautiful caricatures that she draws up in class from time to time and because of that, she remains a leper.
You don’t have to be that girl, get your hair done, get some stylish glasses and for god sakes show off that ample bosom you have been hiding under that dress. You are a damn queen, now its time to show the world!
If anything, I would start here first, if no one is commenting on your post, its most likely because they just haven’t seen it yet, so get to sharing! Promote that blog like you’re at a car wash and just found out rent is short by one hundred dollars, you can do this.
That’s right, not only will the comments come pouring in, but so will the one-dollar bills. (You’re Welcome.)
Make your posts more engaging
Now that people see you for the stone-cold killer you are, apparently, they still want nothing to do with you. What’s that all about? Let me give it to you straight kid, you are not engaging enough. Looking good is only half the battle, that will merely get you a date, the things you say are what ultimately decide if you are a keeper or not.
Posts that I feel compelled to comment on are normally ones that strike a chord in my heart. This isn’t restricted to things that I love, it could also be something I vehemently disagree with, either way, it has to light a fire under me and be interesting, so be interesting or at the very least die trying.
Dare to write a post that forces people to write comments.
You can do this by taking time and planning each and every post. I do this by creating titles first. If the title passes the eye test and sounds like a topic interesting enough for me to delve into, then and only then will I pursue it. This will not only draw more people to your post but make it more likely that they comment because they will either like what you said, or downright love it because who are we kidding, no one can hate you!
Add substance and make it relatable
Whatever it is that you write about, make it relatable to other people and connect with them. If you are writing about cats, speak to the inner cat owner that may be reading your blog. If you are writing about serial killers, write in code so that no one knows what you are doing, remember, you do not want to get caught.
When no one relates to it, all of the time and effort you put into your blog post essentially is for nothing as it typically gets reduced into a wall of text. You don’t want that.
Strive to write deep thought-provoking posts or if that’s to difficult, write posts that help people in some way. I have seen my most commented-on posts about things that help people, whether it be in anxiety, writing or even blogging (shocker, right?)
Be controversial (I want to be like Kanye)
Much like the little brat at the part looking for attention, if you say anything controversial enough, or at the very least pick a controversial topic to talk about i.e. aliens, bigfoot, the meaning of life, Jesus and the biggest of all – “which Kardashian sister would you choose” you will find that a ton of people will respond to that. Keep in mind that this is a last resort, being controversial for attention sake is slightly pathetic, but it works. So, there’s that.
I always say, you’re not doing It right if you haven’t pissed someone off yet, so get out there and do your best Donald Trump impression!
To this point, the only controversial topic I have ever written about was, “how our parents messed us up.” My original post and quite possibly the highest engagements still. (Boy, where did I go wrong?)
Reach the targeted audience
Pay attention to who your targeted audience is and promote your blog to those people. It’s not rocket science. If you are writing about anxiety, comment on people’s blogs who write about anxiety, its highly probable that your work will resonate with those people, its less likely that your spiel on anxiety will resonate with the gym tan laundry aficionados of the world, although, “anything is possible.” – Kevin Garnet.