13 reasons why, is an authentic story about the reasons why a girl committed suicide and how it effected the lives of those who impacted her decision. But not just any girl – Hannah Baker, a beautifully rambunctious girl with wit spilling out of every orifice. Hannah’s story is told through the haunting cassette tapes that she left behind post-mortem and begins when an unsuspecting Clay Jensen receives them. He, along with the others who she believed played a part in her death inherited her last will and testament in those tapes. They detail a terrifying story of negligence, bullying and a bridling rape culture that reflects the current climate in our society which needs to be talked about.
The story is told through the lenses of one girls perspective, detailing an exciting, yet tumultuous a course of events. It’s done this way to heighten and focus on how powerful every single interaction leading up to the inevitable climax was and more importantly, how each one sent her down a path inexorably different from the next. The life of a teenager can be highly emotional. Emotions only elevated by the flux of hormones, all the while trying to keenly navigate the tumultuous social anxiety that dregs itself through each school day – which ironically is something that never goes away.
So why exactly do I love 13 reasons why so much?
It can teach us a lot about ourselves and more importantly, how we affect others around us. Plus, it totally made me feel like a high school girl again.

Hey it’s Hannah, Hannah Baker. That’s right, dont adjust your..whatever device you’re listening to this on. It’s me, live and in stereo. No return engagements, no encore. And this time, absolutely no snacks.
1 Hannah Baker is flawed emotionally
There are some TV shows that like to paint this holistic picture of perfection. The perfect family or perfect children and then, there’s 13 reasons why. Hannah Baker is a very flawed character and right from the get go, we know it. From that perspective, we can also assume that whilst her story is true, it may have its imperfections as it is told from her guiled perspective.
With respect to the obvious limitations to her story. Having emotional flaws also made it difficult for her to get help from not only her friends, but penultimately, the guidance councillor. In real life, if the person looking to get help lacks the emotional capacity to tell the therapist what is wrong, it then falls on the therapist to be able to corral the patient down a path to get them to say the words. If that therapist (or in our case school councillor) is not adequately trained for such a thing, then the patient will be unable to say what they need to say and never get the help they require.
This played out – rather accurately in 13 reasons why. And I appreciate the subtle nature that two people who were seemingly so close to a resolution fell between the chasm of lost words and an inability to communicate effectively.
It isn’t just Hannah that suffers from this, thousands of women who get raped (including Jessica from the show) never publicly state it. (Of course, we find out in season 2 that she does.)
I personally have never been raped. But, retelling the events is a very difficult, courageous thing to do. It’s painful trying to relive the past, especially when you believe the justice system will simply try to pit your word against him (or her, girls rape guys too.)
Every 98 seconds an American is raped, yet only 310 of every 1000 sexual assault gets reported. That is a terrifying stat which means there are literally thousands of sex offenders that go unreported each year. It also shows that, it’s hard telling people that someone unwillingly penetrated you and although people like to make fun of the doctor saying, “show me where he touched you on this doll.” Its necessary because of how difficult it is to do.
2 Its ok not to be ok
One of the best messages that 13 reasons why has to offer is that its ok to be vulnerable and tell someone else that you are not ok. Everyone wears masks day after day pretending to be batman – or me, but it’s ok to be yourself. Wear your meatsuit proud even if it has pimples and a crooked smile, even if you are homosexual or bi. Pretending to be something you are not consumes a ton of energy and once all that energy has been used up, you are left with fake friends and associates that like you for something you are not.
And no one needs fake love.
So, it’s ok to not be ok. Stop carrying that burden alone and tell someone (You are not Goku, you cannot lift the world on your shoulders.) In a previous post I mention how everyone has someone in their life who desperately wants to help them, but you won’t let them in. I call these people Sam’s. It might be your best friend, it might be some weird guy on the bus, most times its your parents.
Let. Them. In.
Go to a trained therapist and relinquish everything tethering you to the ground. You don’t have to be alone in this. Just think, if Hannah was able to tell someone that she was not ok, maybe she would still be alive.

If the locker fits….
3 13 reasons why is not afraid to go there
That’s right! 13 reasons why, is not afraid to go there and does it with style and an attractive cast to boot! It doesn’t shy away from the harsh truths of living as a teenager and more specifically, a girl. Teenage girls are extremely vulnerable when drugs, alcohol and a predatorial frat boy is sniffing around.
I’m talking about Bryce who is the prototypical jock, coupled with the “I have everything I am entitled to the world” mentality. And unfortunately, the kind of guy who doesn’t understand what “no” means.
It went as far as portraying the entire act of suicide, which in my opinion did the character justice, as shying away from the act would strip away the truth from the viewer. We needed to see the impact her decision had on her, her family and friends. A marriage ended because of it and other people’s lives who will never be the same. Putting scenes such as suicide and rape cast a bright light on the subject matter and only do more to add to the dialogue going on right now. But, that’s the entire point, to create dialogue. If we don’t talk about these serious topics, nothing will ever change.
Suicide is a huge choice, and it doesn’t just affect the person committing it. Having a show based around those who experienced Hannah’s suicide and deal with the repercussions will not only help those contemplating suicide but understand the gravity of the situation and the emotional tsunami something like this causes in a school.

Don’t watch me fade to black
4 Every interaction every single time
From your mom in the beginning of the day, to that homeless man on the side of the street, every single interaction you make can have irrevocable consequences for the person on the other end. Sometimes something as simple as a smile can make someone’s day. 13 reasons why highlights the impact that a negative interaction can have in a spiral of negativity, or the stopping power that one wonderfully timed comment or gesture can have against the same spiral of negativity. So, the next time you see someone that you know hanging their head low, say something nice to them. Make them feel good about themselves, it’s not difficult.
We have a culture that is so far removed from real communication that stopping someone in the middle of the sidewalk to tell them how nice they look warrants a sexual harassment suit. Don’t be afraid to hold the door open for someone else, or lend a helping hand if someone clearly needs help. Smile at other people and if you see a bad bitch, tell her how good she looks. Just because she is gorgeous, doesn’t mean she feels that way. Even if she hisses and snarls you away, she might be smiling under that façade – I hope. If not proceed to pull up your hoody and run.
There are hundreds of interactions every single day that you may want to phone in. Even Clay from 13 reasons why is such a wonderful, thoughtful person, yet he still managed to end up on those tapes due to actions he did not take.

Somebody SAAAAAVE MEEEE!!! come on, I’ve been waiting for youuu!
5 People don’t need saving
People like to assume that when someone attempts suicide, that they simply don’t want to be saved and just want to off themselves. Not only is that untrue, it’s a reductionist way of thinking. This show highlights the truth, which is normally somewhere in between. Hannah was clinging to 13 reasons why she should survive, but everyone let her down, including herself. All it takes is one person, one moment and it could all be different.
Her first kiss with Justin devolved into a slut shaming event. Followed by her two closest friends betraying her and leaving her alone. She clung to things that made her feel better, but in the end each of those things let her down, including the school counsellor.
Don’t give up on someone just because you think they don’t care. Really assess the situation. If someone tells you they are suicidal it’s a clear outcry and although its ironic, it normally means there is still time to get to them. When you see posts on Facebook, or get messages by email, maybe even poems read aloud in class written from that one strange kid – pay attention! Because they are looking for it from someone, anyone as they cling to life…. Give them a reason to live.

Girl on the left – Me at a party. The people on the right – completely not me at a party.
6 Social Anxiety and the pressures of moving
Moving to a new place can cause culture shock. This isn’t just exclusive to moving to another country. Moving anywhere that is different enough from your current place, i.e city to country, wealthy neighborhood to poor, diverse to white. All these things can put added stress on the teenager and that’s all without the pressures of finding a friend or winning the race to not be a virgin in the midst of the cataclysm that it is to be a young adult.

Teen angst has never looked this good
7 Heightened teenager emotions
From the ages of ten to thirty, memories seem to be more impactful than any other time. That coupled with the heightened sense of hormones that teenagers do have, all coalesce into a volcano brimming ever closer to erupting without a moment’s notice. This is known as a reminiscence bump.
Time seems to flow differently because of this. Negative moments seem to drag on for weeks and months and it is those down periods when teenagers need to be able to reach out to someone. To them it really feels like their world is ending. To them that first love feels like it will last forever. So, it’s educational to see that diminishing a teenager’s perspective can be erroneous, because what they are feeling is completely true for them.

Whats a radio? Ohhh, you mean an Ipod.
8 In 13 reasons why Old media is still relevant
There is something very virginal about using maps and old cassette tapes, all the while listening to the screech of a vintage vinyl disc being played by a record player. Whilst these items are relics of an old age, or antiquated things collecting dust in your parent’s basement, they still hold value and when we are older, we too will needlessly cling to things we enjoyed in our youth. Not just because it was ours, but because true quality never dies.
In 13 reasons why, these items are not only vintage, they are also retro. They cannot be tracked, and this very idea only adds to the eerie nature of Hannah Baker’s suicide. It was well thought out and planned for months on end. Otherwise she could have simply written a note or left a message on Facebook. But finding out-dated technology and forcing the people that she held responsible to then seek out old cassette tape players to listen to her message was brilliant. Hannah’s internal struggle symbolized through the harsh difficulties of playing through her 13 reasons why she decided to kill herself and the painful, indelible memory that they could have done something about it.

I’m like right here Clay, jeez.
9 Suicide doesn’t just happen.
30% of those who get raped commit suicide. Suicide doesn’t just simply happen. People plan, they contemplate, they wonder about if it will erase the pain and give them the anodyne they seek. It takes time and it is a slow and at times rapid spiral of emotion. Someone in deep depression can fall into the tornado of becoming suicidal, so pay attention and watch out for signs of acting out.
If you don’t know the warning signs click here.

13 Reasons Why this phone is bomb
10 Bullying is a problem
Look, teenagers can be cruel. Most times, to climb the hierarchy of high school you need to align with the jocks and the cheerleaders and do their bidding ala Blair and Serena from Gossip girl. It’s a tumultuous grind to the top, a path lit with horrible deeds and probably drugs.
With the invent of social media, bullying doesn’t have to stop when you leave school. Now it can follow you home and remain an unwanted visitor for far to long. 13 reasons why highlights the harsh realities of cyber bullying and how after the click of a key someone’s reputation can change in an instant. A picture gone viral or a video leaked anonymously can change someone’s life forever. Just ask Kim Kardashian. (It worked out for her!)
11 Dealing with death after the fact…
This is partially where season two comes in. The repercussions of someone committing a successful suicide also increases the potential of another person in that area of doing the same thing. So if you know someone has committed suicide, pay attention to your friends and check in. suicide watch is a real thing.
Aside from that, dealing with the loss of a loved one is difficult. Clay sees the ethereal embodiment of Hannah from time to time as she acts as his aid to move the story and his moral conscience. I found it very funny how she is literally always there with him. Death is hard to get through, but at least he is getting through it.
If you are struggling with the loss of a loved one check out. “9 things you need to do when your best friend dies.”

Don’t I just look fab S? XOXO
12 It makes you feel like a teenage girl
I obviously realize that as I lion I do not solely represent the female contingent. No single ladies, snapping your fingers dancing here! 13 reasons why depicts such a realistic point of view, that it’s hard not to feel as helpless as the girls in the show. Men take it for granted (and I should know) just how strong we are daily. From talking to women who have been raped, I have found that even the simple act of walking down the street can be daunting. The sheer disparity between being male and being female is so large, that sometimes we forget that men are still more successful and powerful, make more money and therefore have more control. When people feel powerless they normally submit and that is how something like rape can happen.

All 13 reasons live and in stereo.
13 The Characters
Clay Jensen
If you have ever wondered what I am like in real life? Enter Clay Jensen the coolest kind of nerd. Ready and willing to unleash his awesome upon the world if he can only exit his shell. 13 reasons why is seen through the guileless eyes of Clay. It follows him through his journey to discovering the truth about Hannah and his timely emotional evolution from awkward teen to assertive, well teen.
Hannah Baker
Beautiful, bouncy and the girl most are jealous of, she’s funny, unbelievably witty and has the best hair.
Marcus
Highly political boy caught in the middle of needing to be successful due to the constraints of his parents but lost within the confines of high school system. Marcus has an insatiable need to feel accepted. Due to his weakness he submits to peer pressure. And as with the others, does wrong by Hannah.
Bryce
A punk rich kid who has been the subject of appeasement his entire life. Now he has attained a narcissistic complex, believing that anything and everything is his to have. He appears to have no remorse and I believe to be purely evil.
Mr. Porter
A guidance councillor that had good intentions. Unfortunately, due to his lack of education and experience in therapy he was unable to save Hannah from herself.
Jessica and Alex
Friends turned frenemies due to a love triangle gone wrong. Their relationship is an example of how good friends can actually fall out with each other over miscommunication, resentment and jealousy.
Tony
I mean, he rides a cool car. He looks like Bruno Mars and he’s gay? How much awesome can be in one person?
Justin
He has an unrelenting smile, comes from a broken home and just wants to fit in. He has a brother-like allegiance to Bryce because he took him in like a stray dog. However, that doesn’t mean he won’t do the right thing when Bryce messes up.
Tyler
A misunderstood, socially awkward photographer that likes his old school black room. Tyler paints with many strokes, but his peers only see him as voyeuristic and weird, which he is. But he also enjoys to take pictures of beautiful things, including Hannah Baker. Things of course, took a turn in season 2, but we wont speak of that here, now will we?
Zach
On the surface he might be a good-looking jock with little more to offer, but he has a moral compass and toes the line between being cool and doing the right thing. Unfortunately, his actions caught up with him. Now, he is paying the consequences, emotionally and mentally. Zach might be one of the most interesting and dynamic characters in 13 reasons why especially after the second seasons reveal of his and Hannah’s relationship.
Ok, maybe I didn’t have to summarize each character. Lord knows I had to get to 13 points for synergy purposes, right?
If you managed to read through the slog of information I plummeted here – and I know you did. I would really appreciate if you would comment on your own experiences either with the show, or with depression and or suicide.
If you suffer from depression or anxiety, please read my article where I detail how I cured my anxiety, and beyond that, seek help from a health practitioner.
13 reasons why official website https://www.netflix.com/ca/title/80117470
Talk to someone – 13 reasons why crisis information https://13reasonswhy.info/
I would have loved to fly off like this girl, left behind a stash of cassettes to sucker punch the ones who hurt me. Instead, in my quiet strength, and occasional outbursts… i breathe, shout, cry, laugh and then set off on a new course! I left them behind… kicking! 💥❤️
That quiet strength is very powerful. To breathe to shout to cry and laugh is all apart of life and I am happy you are still doing it! <3
I love the show so much too.
It shows the world what Teenagers all over the world face.
There is the rich kid, the kid that wants to belong, the cool and nice guy, the cheerleader.
It shows the emotions that we all go through. Things are hard and sometimes it is not easy to talk about what we face, but the show does show that it is important that we talk about these issues
Yeah, I know some of the scenes are a bit graphic but that doesnt take away from the truth of it all that this stuff actually happens. And in the world we live in these are issues that need to be talked about.
This couldn’t have been said Better
I only watched a few episodes with friends, but never invested in it on my own. Honestly, I have a few friends that are suicidal or post those ‘Goodbye’ posts (Thankfully they are still here). Therefore, I was just not interested in watching the show, because I just thought it glorified the idea of suicide. However, your post seems like a great summary of the season and has me intrigued to learn more from this tv show.
Well that’s good. I’m happy that your friends are still around, its tough to lose a friend. The show is very well written and directed, I think alot of the noise surrounding it is based off of two scenes. But the conversation needs to be had. I really enjoyed the show, but it definetly isnt for everyone haha.
Haven’t yet watched the show yet, guess I got biased with the hype and stuff but from your dossier here, I think it would be a great watch!!
Haha, yeah it actually is well written. People get caught up on one scene and forget the other 99% of the show. Oh well.
Sure after my first episode today, I agree Its well written and while part of me still thinks its radical, I admit that it’s a brave drama in thematically addressing sucide and it’s triggers which is really a big thing across the world
I love the show as well. I don’t know why many people hate it without even watching it. My brother watched it recently and he said it was just too depressing and so many events don’t happen to one person in such a short time period. The show just escalated everything and things don’t happen that quickly one after another to one person and I was there like pppfttt, some guys don’t get it how many girls face harassment everyday, be it vocal or physical. Even the creepy stares weird dudes give you when you go out is harassment. If it ain’t happening to you that doesn’t mean it can’t happen to someone else.
People are quick to latch onto hate. The show itself is great and helps start that conversation. I’m happy you enjoyed it. Season two was pretty great as well. A few scenes made me cringe but, I think thats the point. Unspeakable things happen to teenagers and no one talks about it.
i haven’t watched 13 Reasons Why. I felt it would probably be too triggering, given the fact that I’ve attempted suicide on several occasions. Still, I have a fascination with it and with the subject; you’re different after you attempt it, you never get to go back and be the person who would never go there. It alters you somewhat. I appreciate, therefore, your summary and insight, especially number 12. The strength of men is something that can be challenging for women (and other men). It’s easy to forget as a woman, until it’s turned against you, how very much stronger men are. I was fully shocked by my utter inability to fight back. Thank you for bringing this point up, and thank you for this post.
Completely unrelated, but thank you for finding me! I haven’t even read a post, but already see several I want to read!
Awesome! I hope you enjoy 🙂
Great post!
It’s nice to actually read something thoughtful *and* about this show, especially that’s not from a critic.
I actually left this off my watch list because if some negative viewer reviews from other bloggers. Thanks for giving me a reason – or 13 – to revisit that decision!
I think the show has picked up more followers from the schools warning parents about it than it has from strictly providing good content. My own kids have told me of friends watching it just for that reason. That isn’t a reflect on the show as much as it is on the schools. 🙂
OH Wow, I love this post. I am going to watch the show. I read all of the post except for the character profiles. I figure I will find out who they are when I watch. I have suffered from Anxiety and Depression since I was 14. I actively committed suicide once. But, passively many many times. I’m 35, I’m diagnosed bipolar and I’m also borderline personality disorder. I’m as healthy mentally as I’ve ever been. I think I’m on a record stretch for not doing anything completely reckless impulsive and just plain stupid. I practice mindfulness everyday. Although I do not go to a meditation group it’s something I am working on getting to. I do yoga and love yoga I have been practicing for 2 years this month, its been a true blessing for so many reasons. And my dog has saved my life multiple times by just sitting with me. I wrote a college essay on Dog Therapy its posted on my blog if you want to read it. I do not have time to read the rest of your blog tonight but I will come back to read more later. Thank you!!
“Loveless In Infinity (Hannah Baker Song)”
Brought into the world
Against my will
Never guaranteed I’ll be loved
My innocence will inevitably be killed
Life misunderstood by boys and girls
Breaks me down as I stand still
For some one wound is enough
The world becomes a decomposing chill
Life surrounds me beyond my grasp
Nobody truly knows who I am inside
They presume and never ask
My protectors can’t truly free me
So I scattered and freed myself
Loveless in infinity
There are things they want to call me
Not knowing how I define myself
We don’t know each other’s shoes
You don’t know I’ve been plagued
By all I’ve felt
I don’t see I’m cared for
They say I’m too much to be dealt
You might fly away too
If you lived my truth
I’d hurt less if I were in a scrapbook
On a dusty shelf
Life surrounds me beyond my grasp
Nobody truly knows who I am inside
They presume and never ask
My protectors can’t truly free me
So I scattered and freed myself
Loveless in infinity
Pieces of everyone who took notice
Are freed with me
But they’re blessed with their own lives
And burdened with their own darkness
to pull through
My faith’s every backlash
Is weakening me
And love since my first flame
Goes with the morning dew
May nobody be cornered this way
May nobody feel estranged from their day
When knows who they truly are
May they be spared being deceived
So tearfully
When only another world
Can set them free
Life surrounds me beyond my grasp
Nobody truly knows who I am inside
They presume and never ask
My protectors can’t truly free me
So I scattered and freed myself
When I felt no love in infinity.
That’s truly beautiful.
😉
This was a great read ! Thank you!
I love the book and the season too…..