Another day, another post with no views, no likes and that one comment that says your blog sucks (and you wrote that one)
Hate to break it to you pal, but your blog sucks! And while that may be ok, or maybe you don’t actually care, for those who do care and want to bump their numbers up 100% (Which, let’s be honest should be easy, if no one is reading your blog in the first place.) Then come on down! This is the price is right where all your blogging dreams come true. (I always wanted to be on that show.)
Why your blog sucks: The blogging autopsy
Right now, your blog is a corpse, buried and dusted away like a Robert frost poem. It’s time to bring it back to life and inject it with the blood of a dragon! But before we do, we need to find out why your blog died in the first place. What cruel creature killed it? Was this a murder mystery night gone wrong? Or did you stab it in the back yourself? You cruel cruel bastard.
After closer inspection we discovered that the blogs cause of death was of natural causes, i.e your blog sucks.
Much like human deaths, blogs too have several reasons for dying:
- You stopped posting (guilty as charged)
- No one cares about what you are posting
- You didn’t try on social media at all
- Your writing style isn’t engaging
- Or, like you guessed, your blog sucks, plain and simple
- All of the above
There are so many reasons in fact, I wrote a whole post about it……5 ways to stop your blog from dying
A big part of the reason your blog sucks is that no one cares about what you are writing. It doesn’t mean that what you are saying isn’t clever or well written, (that helps too) but, the content needs to serve a purpose and target a need of your audience. If your audience doesn’t need to read it, well…they wont. Remember, there are literally millions of blogs on WordPress alone, why does someone have to read your blog? Bring something unique to the table. Money perhaps. I always say, “you never know what can happen when you dish money under the table.” You might end up with some sweet footsie action.
Write something your audience can cling too and use to improve their own lives or help them reach a goal. Make it meaningful. If its something that they can use, they will be more inclined to read it and even leave a comment if they are feeling sorry enough for you.
Ah, the old age game of tit for tat. Indeed, if your blog sucks, you can rest assured that you have never commented on another person’s blog. You have to stroke someone else’s ego before they can stroke your….well you know what I mean. Spend some time being generous and like some posts, comment if you are fancy. Meaningful ones are the most impactful.
Comments are where engagement and promotion mingle…this is your chance for a free audition, plus you may make some meaningful connections. A comment is much more than a few words, your blog and your words will be on display on that person’s page for years, so keep that in mind. A great comment may lead people to your page, so if no one is reading your blog, this can be the first steps for them to see just how terrible it is.
If you are not promoting your blog like a struggling rock star, that may be a reason it sucks. Listen, you need people to read your blog in order for it to be decent. If Beethoven created the most brilliant symphony of all time but he was also a recluse and didn’t let anyone hear it no one would be able to judge it and enjoy its sheer beautiful. So friends, its time to show your beautiful blog off to the world. Strip off those awkward sentences and be bold, get naked and be proud of what your mama gave you.
There are three reasons people read information; to be informed about something, to get new ideas for the future or to stimulate their mind, or lastly, to be entertained.
If you are not doing any one of these things, then your blog sucks. No one cares about that day in school your friend Jimmy forgot his lab book and got yelled at. What they do care about are the salacious tales of Jimmy and the hot science teacher committing all kinds of sins, of which you have pictures because, you’re the best.
Are you not entertained!!!??
If one week, you want to have the moves like Jagger and the next you are trying to beat it like Michael Jackson all the while trying to walk back that unsanitary vote for Donald Trump. Listen, you are doing too much. Just be yourself. Trying to be everyone else (while a nice sentiment) is very misinformed and can come off disingenuous, hence why your blog sucks. Figure out who you are and what you want this blog to be before you become a jack of no trades begging for a like.
Terrible writing can downright kill not only a blog post, but a blog in general and I mean this from a microscopic level. Can people understand what you are trying to say? If they can’t, then you failed my friend and now they think your blog sucks.
Proofreading is an absolute must. And whilst you don’t necessarily need to comb through your blog with a razor-sharp edge, you do need to omit needless errors. It’s a huge buzz kill to read an awesome post and find tons of errors and I don’t mean the odd grammatical one. I’m talking about obvious spelling, punctuation and things like that. I have definitely had posts with mistakes in the past, but I have proofread every single post I have written to make sure it at least reads well. All can be forgiven if your post reads properly and has minor to almost untraceable mistakes. If there was a crime scene, I want you to get off as the cold-blooded killer you are. No OJ, perfect fitting gloves tonight. Oh wait….bad example.
Learn how to write well and captivate your audience with mind-blowing sentences that whisk them into the next. Before they know it, they’ll be begging you for another post. Then you can take years between posts like George RR Martin……and me. (Sorry for that)
If you haven’t discovered your voice yet, I also covered that in a previous post.
Here ye, here ye!! I do declare that your blog sucks no longer
Fore score and seven years ago, your blog sucked, it sucked so much that it became the root of every mother joke and before you knew it, it was the talk of the town. After an identity crisis and a lot of very painful surgeries, your blog elevated itself to become…. tolerable. But then, you took a turn. You read my blog and underwent the necessary trials to take it from the doldrums of blogistry to the cream of the crop and now you evolved from a useless Magicarp to a Dragon.
Therefore, I hereby decree that your blog sucks no longer, in fact, with my tutelage not only does your blog not suck, it has become the best blog on WordPress, the number 1 blog of all time. Movies will be made about it, you certainly will be rich and now you can help other losers get another follower.
I’m kidding of course, your blog sucks, well, a little bit less than it did before. And that’s great. It was horrible before that.
Congratulations on that.